21 Gun Salute
by CPDRuzekFan
Summary: A Chicago PD story. When crimes of the past come back to haunt you, the consequences are far reaching and often catastrophic. All characters are involved but Burzek focused.
1. Prologue

The sun had finally dipped below the horizon, the warm breeze they felt most of the day was long gone; a chill had replaced it. They had been locked in a stalemate for hours and there was seemingly no end in sight.

It had happened in mere minutes.

It had been a slow day, the normal bullshit. A few neighborhood disagreements, people trying to argue their speeding tickets. Completely ignoring the fact that nothing could be done, that they'd have to attend traffic court. Even a few attempted bribes had been offered.

Platt just rolled her eyes and _politely_ asked them to remove themselves from _her_ district.

It was monotonous.

Even the intelligence unit was quiet. They had closed their last case and had found themselves with nothing to do. They took advantage of the downtime, they caught up on paperwork and paid their CI's a visit.

Any other day it never would've happened, they would've held their ground. They would've protected their district.

It didn't play out that way.

They had lost control of their district.

It had started with a flashbang, a few hastily screamed orders and the business end of an AK-47 in her face.

She was left with no choice but to hand over the reigns of the district to the group.

The knot in her stomach had grown larger with each passing hour, it was her district. She had manned that desk for years, it was her ship and like any captain she wanted to go down with it.

They ordered her out, if she didn't leave they had promised to start picking off the civilians that had the misfortune of shit timing. She did what she had to do, she left.

Leaving the fate of the 21st District of the Chicago Police Department in the hands of a heavily armed group of bangers.

As hard as that was, what followed over the next few hours was exponentially worse.

It would haunt her for years to come.

It would haunt them all.

 _ **I'm back! This is a serious tease I know, but I hope by posting this now it will keep me honest and I won't back away from this story. I'm counting on all of you to make sure I keep up with this one.**_


	2. It's Complicated

Kim hadn't been back from furlough long, she was determined to show Voight that promoting her was a solid move. It hadn't been easy, when she joined the unit Adam had run for the hills. It was obvious to everyone that he had run away from her, and that had stung a bit. It was a rough ride for the first few months, then Adam returned and they found their footing.

Then Nicole had been attacked and Kim had taken leave.

It wasn't long after that when shit went sideways for Erin and Jay.

It had been a chaotic few months, and it had only recently started to even out.

It was silly but Kim couldn't help herself, she was a people pleaser, it was innate and she was powerless to stop it. Even as a young child she strived to please everyone, her parents, teachers, and any authority figure she encountered.

It was Voight she was trying to please now, she was striving for perfection, despite knowing she'd never achieve it. She was going to get as close to perfection as humanly possible.

She was a paperwork nazi, making sure she had ever base covered, she wasn't going to fuck up a report and potentially blow a case. She had developed a solid group of CI's, that hadn't been any easy feat. She wasn't your typical police officer, she wasn't jaded or intimidating. She saw the best in every single person she ran across, sometimes it would take some time but she'd find it. Buried deep within their souls hidden from the world, but she'd find it. It had become an asset once she gained the trust of those around her. She genuinely wanted the best for them and would help them to achieve it. It was always a tough pill to swallow when she couldn't help them, couldn't save them from themselves. It didn't deter her though, she knew she couldn't save the world, but she did the best she could.

So much in her life was up in the air, her sister and niece were just barely keeping their heads above water, she was constantly worried about them. Kim had put her life on hold, she had decided to throw herself into her career. Her career was the only thing that made sense at the moment.

Her career had to be her priority. She had lost herself somewhere along the way, allowing an outside force to dictate her choices. She had never felt so betrayed and lost in her life as she did in the months following her break up with Adam. She had been played, she had ignored her gut and blindly followed a man who only cared about himself.

She had walked away from the best person she had ever encountered, the one person who had her back.

Adam.

They had finally found their footing, they had become friends again. She was thankful for that, but it stung just a bit.

It wasn't easy watching Adam move on, he seemed to have a steady stream of women waiting for their chance with him.

He seemed happy.

That was all Kim wanted for him, it was the very least of what he deserved.

It was why she had thrown herself even deeper in to her work, Adam's words still echoed in her head, ' _it's complicated, Kim. After Halstead and Lindsay, I think it's best we remain friends. That's it'_ that had stung, more than she would care to admit.

It was true though. It was complicated, and perhaps it was in fact the best move. It still hurt though.

So, she became a workaholic, often putting in twelve hour days if not longer. It was what she needed to do, it kept her focused, and her mind off everything that had gone wrong between her and Adam. Their professional relationship was solid, it was their relationship outside of work that needed work.

It needed a miracle.

Adam had made it clear to her that he wasn't interested in being more than friends and she couldn't blame him.

It was hard to ignore his boisterous laugh as he and Atwater filed in, the pair looked rough. Both sporting sunglasses, "Good morning boys." She briefly looked up from the file she was working on.

Kevin grumbled, "Men, Burgess. We are men." He dropped his coffee on the edge of his desk, "You're in early."

Kim laughed, "Not really Kev. It's almost ten. Rough night?"

He shrugged, "You could say that. The ladies were were on point last night. I was beating them off with a stick all night. It ain't easy being me you know. I'm the entire package. Brains, brawn, and an amazing jaw line. The ladies love me."

Kim laughed, "You really could use some self confidence, buddy." She rolled her eyes at his smug smile, "You're something else."

"Yes, I know." Kevin dropped a kiss on her head, "You love me."

"Unfortunately."

Adam had watched the exchange from his desk, yes they had become friends but it wasn't the same. It couldn't be the same, at least not for him. She had obliterated his heart and he was still struggling to put it back together. Sure, they had closed the gap a bit even shared a kiss but it had stalled out and then in the blink of an eye she was gone.

They never mentioned it again.

The implosion of Halstead and Lindsay's relationship had a hand in it. It had been a tense few weeks and then Erin was gone. Adam had a fair idea of what had gone down, he'd bet his pension that Voight had pulled some strings on Erin's behalf.

So they maintained the status quo.

Perhaps it was for the best.

The scars on his face had faded some but they would never disappear, they were a constant reminder of a time he'd give anything to forget.

He had been a good kid. He had kept his head down and his nose clean. He had been the exception to the rule, he had been the good son. The boy who would bring honor to their family, he'd right all the wrongs.

He was well on his way, until one fateful night.

One party.

A party he should've skipped.

He didn't though, and it had opened up Pandora's box.

Tomas Santiago was a good boy, a smart boy. A rarity for the Santiago men, his potential was without limits. He was a star athlete in high school and a great student.

One fateful night had cost him everything.

Tomas was a good boy, but he was not without flaws.

He had found a way to make some quick cash, and he was hooked. He had discovered the world of sports betting. It didn't take long for him to be in over his head. His winning streak had ended, leaving him with a mountain of debt.

Without the cash to get the loan shark of his back he was left with no choice but to take on a few jobs.

The jobs were minor at first. He'd do a delivery, an airport run. He opened a few eyes along the way and the jobs started to pick up. Before he knew it he was in too deep, and he was powerless to stop it.

One night changed everything, he had been kept in the dark on the specifics and if he had known what was to happen he would've never taken the gig.

The damage was done.

He had been an accessory to murder.

He was sent to prison.

The Santiago name was a familiar one, and he soon learned his family had numerous enemies.

He was a lame duck.

Until his uncle had visited and told him that he'd be protected.

That someone on the inside owed their family a favor and it was time to cash in.

It had worked for a while, Tomas had never laid eyes on his protecter but he knew someone had his back. He was able to venture into the yard or into the fitness room. It lasted near a year, and he had dropped his guard. He was relaxed a fatal flaw when you're in prison.

His memory of the attack was hazy at best but it had been a brutal attack and had left him disfigured for the rest of his life.

It had been nearly three years since the attack and it what was finally time to avenge those who had wronged him.

His soul was tarnished, the light in his eyes had gone out years ago. He was no longer the good boy, he was a monster.

He was a lion circling in on his prey.

Vengeance would soon be his, and it was going to be beautiful. He was absolutely giddy at the mere thought of it.

Chicago would never be the same.

"Alright." Voight clapped his hands together to corral the unit, "as you all know we've got nothing going on. No active cases. It's pretty quiet." He could see Burgess cringe when he uttered 'quiet', Kim was certain it was a curse. That once someone dropped the ' _q word_ ' as Kim called it shit would get crazy. He didn't buy into that shit, if it was gonna pop off it would regardless of what they said or didn't say.

"Sarge" Kim cut her eyes at him.

Hank waved her off, "Let it go Burgess, I don't have that much power." He snickered, "I need you guys to look busy, check in with CIs. Whatever you need to do to look busy, do it. I don't want the brass breathing down my back, complaining about the hours we put in. Be productive. We will meet back here around three."

The words had barely left his lips and Ruzek and Atwater were on their feet and headed downstairs. They were a solid pairing, they fed off each other well and had built a solid rapport with each other. They had also established a quality group of CIs.

Adam was quite happy to allow Atwater to drive, he never quite understood Halstead's desire to drive. Adam fiddled with the radio, never staying on a station longer than a minute or two.

Kevin inhaled sharply as Adam turned the volume down, "Fuck man. You're annoying, that was a good ass song. I wish you'd settle down man. You're worse than a little kid ."

Adam rolled his eyes, "That song used to be good, then they started playing it all the fucking time. Just drive. Let me deal with the music."

"Whatever"

Adam leaned back in his seat, "Grumpy fucker. I thought you got laid last night." He leaned his arm on the door, "that chick was all over you, like stink on shit. You fuck it up?"

Kevin glared at him, "No." He didn't miss the looks exchanged between Kim and Adam earlier, he couldn't understand what had happened to their relationship and it annoyed him to no end. "I didn't fuck it up, I leave that shit to you"

"Woah! What the hell does that mean?"

Kevin pulled into the lot, "It means I'm tired of this game you're playing. Burgess too. It's clear as day that you both still care about each other but too fucking stubborn to admit it. I saw how you were looking at her earlier."

Adam sighed heavily. None of this was easy, he had never been so conflicted before. He knew how he felt about Kim, it confused him still to this day. His pops had belittled him over it. He had told him he was a pussy for even giving Kim a second glance, that he should move on and never look back.

Bob Ruzek was a love them and leave them kinda guy, that used to be okay for Adam.

Before Kim.

Kim had changed him for the better, made him a better person.

He just wasn't enough for her.

"It's complicated, Kevin."

Kevin curled his lip up, "I don't think so. I think that's a cop out buddy. I think you're scared of getting hurt again. I get that. I really do. Just think it's stupid. You're not living Ruz, your just existing."

"You've been binging that stupid self help show again?" Adam scoffed, "Just drop it man, it's over. Kim and I are done."

The van was devoid of any markings, nothing about it stood out. It was exactly what they needed. Their vehicle needed to blend in if they wanted this to work, it had taken months to plan and one fuck up and the entire operation would be fucked.

They'd been planning it since before he was released, the second he was a free man he begged to be a part of it. His uncle had been resistant to the idea, but Tomas had made an impassioned plea.

One his uncle couldn't refuse.

After all it was happening because of Tomas.

He had been the one who was wronged, it was only fair that he was involved in the attack.

They had garnered a large stockpile of ammunition and numerous guns, they had flak jackets and heavy duty body armor. They were loaded to the teeth, they needed to be.

They had gone over it for days now, they had run through a thousand different scenarios, they needed to be prepared for anything.

Tomas was done preparing, he was ready to go.

Kim massaged her temples, she was certain her eyes would cross if she wasn't careful. She had drawn the short straw and was the one who stayed behind, it was SOP to have someone remain in the office.

Today it was Kim's turn.

The lobby was packed, it was as if every resident in the 21st's jurisdiction had shown up. The complaints ran the gamut and were petty and ridiculous a few outlandish ones as well.

Platt did little to suppress her laughter when she listened to the report of an alien invasion. It seemed the crazies were out in full force, it was tedious to listen to the various reports. They had to file each report regardless of its nature, it was point of contention for her. She hated that these claims required action, she would love to toss them in the circular file instead of sending patrol units to check them out.

The van rolled to a stop in front of the district, another vehicle at the back of the building.

Adrenaline coursed through Tomas' veins, he was finally going to get his.

He grabbed the grenade and tossed it into the lobby, as the flashbang went off nearly every person in the building dropped to the ground. It was then they charged in, screaming orders out.

Watching as they scurried out.

Everyone.

Except for the woman behind the desk.

"Get Out!" He screamed.

Trudy stood on shaking legs, "I will not leave. This is my district. I will protect it, and all those in here." She unholstered her side arm.

He smirked, "That's where you're wrong. It's my district. You are seriously out gunned." He shoved the end of the AK in her temple, "Don't make me tell you again. Go!"

The crack of the gun as it made contact with her skull was sickening, the blood flowed instantly, before she knew it she was pushed outside. The door slammed shut behind her.


	3. It's A Coup

"Get the fuck out!" He screamed as he pushed the few remaining people out the doors, as soon as the last person stepped out he went about securing the doors. The flashbang had done its job, aside from a few cops who had tried to fend off the attack.

No one was getting in.

Months of planning was finally being put into action and it was glorious. Tomas took a minute to take it all in, he watched as the team boarded up the windows and rearranged the desks and tables to form barricades in front of all points of access.

They had quite the arsenal of weapons, and it was surprising at how easy it had been to gain access into a garage at the back of the district. They had watched the building long enough to know when the door was left open and unattended.

For majority of the day it was left open and no one in sight.

It was a police station after all, surely no one would mess with it.

Right?

How wrong that had been.

Their sense of security would be their downfall.

Tomas was giddy at the thought of finally getting his.

Jail had changed him. Jail had stripped him of his soul and humanity. He had been a decent person, some might even say a good guy that all changed.

Paperwork was always her sanity, nearly every other member of the unit loathed that aspect of the job. It was tedious, it was monotonous.

It was predictable.

Kim Burgess thrived on predictability, she liked knowing what was next. She kept outstanding notes and they had been her savior. Writing up the report was her way of decompressing, the guys usually did that over a few beers at Molly's. Not Kim, this was her therapy, it was set her apart from the rest of the team.

It also left her with her thoughts, sometimes more than she would like. Especially when it was Adam who filled her thoughts. It had been jarring the first time she had seen him with another woman it seemed to be a different woman every night. She hated it as the blonde took hold of the belt loop on Adam's jeans, hooking her index finger in the loop and pulling his body against hers. She hated how Adam looked down and smiled at her, she was gorgeous that was undeniable. She was tall, busty, and blonde, her laugh was like nails on a chalkboard and she cringed the night she heard it. She seemed to be sticking around, which only added to her dislike of the woman.

The last few months had been strange, they would come together a bit. She and Adam had even gone on a few dates, only for her to push him away.

It was a nasty cycle.

She'd pull him in only to push him away as things progressed.

She had told him she met someone, she couldn't believe the words as they slipped from her mouth, the look of utter devastation on Adam's face was hard to take but it didn't stop her from saying it and it didn't stop her from leaving him at that bar. The voice in her head was screaming at her to turn around and go back and tell him the truth.

She ignored it.

She did that a lot.

She ignored her gut, she ignored that voice in her head that screamed at her. She ignored it when it screamed about Roman.

It had cost her everything.

She shouldn't have been shocked when Adam finally told her he couldn't do it anymore. He thought it was too complicated, that everything that went down with Jay and Erin was a sign.

They could only be friends.

She was left with just her career.

"Upstairs." Tomas gathered his buddies up, they had a dozen guys in the building. A dozen of his best guys, they'd need it too. This was huge and he expected serious pushback when they got upstairs. He was prepared to lose his life, he would die for this cause.

He was going to get vengeance even if it meant he'd die.

This had been his only concern.

The palm reader. They weren't sure how they'd get past that. If push came to shove they would cut their way in.

Luckily for them they didn't need that.

Taped to the scanner was a note informing them of its current status

' _FUBAR Call out to open'_

It had taken a minute or two for him to realize what it meant, he smiled when he got it _fucked up beyond any repair._

It was his lucky day.

He whistled.

Kim had grown accustomed to music playing in the bullpen, it had been Adam's thing. He always had a radio on and it seemed even Voight enjoyed it.

Sadly, that very radio had kept her from hearing the chaos downstairs.

Kim grabbed the remote and turned the volume down, the whistle growing in intensity, she jumped up and went to the stairs.

"Can I help you?" She called down to the man, she spotted the gun almost immediately and her stomach dropped. The calmness of the district unnerved her.

Tomas smiled like the Cheshire Cat when she appeared before him, "Open up."

"I will come down to you. Just give me a minute." Kim had turned on her heels to go back upstairs when she heard the first shot.

"Get the fuck down here and open this gate bitch!" He screamed.

Kim came downstairs and did as she was told, flinching when he grabbed her ponytail and yanked it, almost bringing her to her knees.

He dragged her up the stairs and violently tossed her towards a desk when the reached the bullpen. "Where is he?" Tomas screamed when he scanned the room and his target was nowhere in sight.

"Who?"

"That dickhead Voight. Where the fuck is he?"

"Out. He's in the field. I'm the only one here. Who are you?" Kim felt her hands tremble, she had locked her gun in the safe just outside the interrogation room. It had become mandatory that their firearms were stored in lockers when they were at the district.

One of the many ramifications of what had gone down with Lindsay.

One that just may cost Kim everything.

"Fuck! Get me the commander." Platt screamed at a patrol officer, she grabbed her personal phone from her pocket and called Voight.

It was absolute pandemonium, they had tried to gain access through the roll up and it was locked up and tight and the van visible through the bulletproof window near the door.

This was bad.

She had taken a pretty vicious blow to the side of her head when she had hesitated the blood had flowed instantly but had turned into a sticky matted mess, her head throbbed.

It was the least of her problems at the moment.

The district had been taken over.

 _Her district._

 _On her watch._

It was without a doubt her worst nightmare.

If only she knew just how bad it would get.

Tomas tossed Luis the rope, "Tie the bitch up." He wasn't happy, Voight was supposed to have been here. His guy was supposed to have had eyes on the building all day.

He was pissed.

He took a deep breath and reset himself, sure she wasn't Voight but perhaps this would be even sweeter. Yes, he'd love to plug one in Voight's head, but he salivated at the thought of filling the bitch with lead and letting Voight live with the guilt.

A sentence worse than death.

Hank Voight would have her blood on his hands.

Olinsky watched intently as Voight took the call, he watched as a thousand different emotions crossed Hank's face. He watched as Hank tossed the phone across the small lobby. He watched as Hank hunched over and worked to pull oxygen into his lungs.

It wasn't good news.

Hank took one last deep breath and slowly blew it out, he turned to Al, "Call the team. We've got a problem" he chucked at his word choice, and not because it was funny.

It was absurd.

It wasn't a problem. Losing your keys? A problem. Having your tire blow out on the way to work? A problem.

Having your district taken over by a dozen heavily armed man? That was a disaster.

"What's up?" Al asked as he jumped in the passenger seat.

Voight pressed his fingers into his eyes, "That was Trudy. She was forced out of the district, along with every uniform in the building. It's a coup. Not sure who it is yet, but it's bad."

Yet another epic understatement.

Al bobbed his head up and down as he processed it, "Hank. Burgess. She's alone."

It had been Hank's first thought as well, "We just have to hope she got out." It didn't matter that Kim was a solid police officer, what mattered was she was alone. She was in a building filled with armed thugs. They were unsure of the exact number of assailants and who they were.

"Call it in. Total recall, Al. Just tell them something popped off. I don't need them flying off the handle and doing something rash. Fuck!" He slapped his hand on the steering wheel in frustration, "This is horrific, O. Absolutely horrific." He needed a full tactical response but he couldn't put what was going on over the radio, they couldn't risk someone going off half cocked.

"Damn.." Kevin balled the napkin up and tossed it on his plate, it was rare to be able to hit up a half way decent restaurant for a meal during their shift and he was beyond disappointed that they'd been called back. He grabbed a few bills from his wallet and tossed it on the table.

He grumbled under his breath as he made his way to the restroom, "Ruz, man." He pounded his hand on the door, "What're you doing?"

"Taking a leak man, what the fuck you think I'm doing?" Adam called out, slightly miffed by his buddy's impatience.

"Total recall buddy. We gots to go." Atwater never liked hearing a total recall, it was never fun. It meant that some serious shit had gone down and it always involved multiple agencies.

"Fuck!" Adam hissed as he completed his task, he washed his hands quickly before heading out, "What's up? They give you any details?"

"None. Let's roll brother. I covered the bill. You've got the next meal." He clapped him on the back.

The two blissfully unaware of what was waiting for them.

"Of course I do." Adam rolled his eyes, "We only had appetizers Kev, that bill was nothing. My buy is the dollar menu at Mickey D's"

Atwater glared at him, "You're a cheap ass. As if I had any control over shit hitting the fan. You need to come off that money you're sitting on. You'll never keep a lady being a cheap ass. Brenda won't stand for it. She's high maintenance."

To say he wasn't thrilled with Adam's latest flame was being polite, there was something about her that just didn't sit with him. He could never quite put his finger on it but it was there. Perhaps it was the fact that she wasn't Kim, he had always been the their biggest supporter but it seemed that ship had sailed and it sucked.

Adam seemed to have quite the collection of women willing to have a good time, typically they hung around for a few days before he grew bored and switched it up. Brenda had been around for almost two months and he didn't think she'd be going anywhere soon.

"Just drive, man." Adam shook his head in disgust, he was over everyone and their mother weighing in on his personal life. He'd been down that road already and he didn't fare well.

Halstead and Dawson were still reeling, it was shocking to see the dozens of patrol cars surrounding the district, the SWAT team had been called out and their convoy had pulled up at the same time they had.

"What the fuck?" Jay asked, he didn't expect an answer. He wasn't sure anyone had an idea of what the hell was going on. It was still in the beginning stages and it was chaotic at best.

Trudy held the ice pack against her head, she never saw it coming and it swelled up almost immediately. She had never been so angry in her life, and she'd been furious more than a few times. She had angrily ignored the orders for her to head to the hospital. She made it clear she wasn't leaving the district it was bad enough she was forced out. This was her ship and she was bound and determined to stay to the end. She needed to see this through, she just hoped they'd all recover.

This was a new level of hate, one that she couldn't quite put into words. Adrenaline was racing through her bloodstream and was probably what had kept her tears at bay.

Kim was upstairs.

She was alone.

Kim liked to put up a good front, a facade if you will. She refused to show even the slightest sign of weakness. She wanted to be the tough cop, the one who held it together when shit got hard.

Trudy was familiar with that desire, she had been the same way. It wasn't easy being a female officer, when she first joined the force the welcome wagon wasn't rolled out for her. In fact they had made her life a living hell for the first few years of her career and then she was lucky enough to encounter Hank Voight. He had been the one to see her potential, to see that she was solid police. Slowly as the years went on it was a bit easier.

For Kim it was a lot easier, but she had made a grievous mistake. An mistake that her male counterparts could make and no one would bat an eye. The minute a woman did it, well it was unacceptable and she was ostracized and picked apart.

She had hooked up with a fellow officer, not once but twice.

She was quickly labeled a _Badge Bunny._

Kim was trying to shed that label, it wasn't easy but she was putting in the work and it was getting better, but because of that Kim tried to bury her emotions. She was tough for sure, but Trudy knew better. She knew Kim was struggling and this was the last thing she needed.

She'd deny until she was blue in the face but she cared for Kim Burgess, even admired her. Kim was bound and determined to be good police, much like Trudy had all those years ago. She saw a lot of herself in Kim.

She couldn't go out like this, she had to be okay.

The shrill ring of the phone startled Kim, she had been slipping in and out of consciousness for what felt like an eternity. Blood caked on the side of her head and her lip busted. Her head lolled to one side as she struggled to hold it upright, the men holding her hostage circled her like a shark after its prey.

"Answer it.." Kim managed to mumble, "phone..answer it."

Tomas jumped down from the file cabinet he had perched himself on and shook his head no, "This is my game. I will decide when things happen. I will call them when I'm ready."

"You won't get away with this." Kim bit back at him.

"Maybe, Just Maybe I don't give a fuck. I've got one goal, and I assure you I will achieve it." He didn't care wether or not he walked out of this under his own power or in a body bag. It didn't matter, he had intended on taking Voight out but the bitch would suffice.

He knew Voight would blame himself for her death and that was a punishment worse than death.

"The fuck?" Adam was in awe. It was surreal.

The sun had just slipped beneath the horizon and the warm air of late summer had left, a cool breeze floated around them. The sky lit up with the flashing blue and red lights. Floodlights were being set up, it wasn't quite dark enough to require them but it was clear they were in for a long night.

Each attempt the negotiator to get in contact with whoever was inside had failed.

Adam and Kevin spotted the rest of the unit near one of the tables.

Everyone but Kim.

Adam felt his heart pound against his rib cage, he could hear the steady whoosh in his ear.

"Boss...Burgess? Where is she?" Adam asked.

Hank glanced at his feet before meeting Adam's eyes.

Adam knew it.

Hank didn't need to say it.

Kim was inside.

He felt his knees buckle a bit and he grabbed at his head, "No!"

Kevin watched as his buddy swayed a bit, the color draining from his face. He feared he was about to fall, he grabbed a hold of him.

"No!" Adam pushed him away, "We need to get her out! We need to get her out!" He fought against Kevin as he fought to keep him behind the police tape.

Al reached out to him, placing his palm on Adam's cheek, "Ruzek, I need you to calm down. SWAT is here, they'll get her out, okay? We need to let them handle this. This is what they do."

Adam curled his lip, "Al, it's Kim..." his voice cracked a bit, "It's Kim."

"I know kid, I know." Al replied.


	4. Kim's Blood Is On Your Hands

It didn't take long for the media to catch wind of what was going on, every major network had a team on scene and it was being broadcasted throughout the country.

Mouch had stopped in his track when the news cut into whatever reality show Kidd and Brett had been watching, he felt his heart jump in his throat and he was out the door in a flash.

He floored his truck and frantically dialed his wife.

The phone would ring a few times before switching over to her voicemail, he'd end the call and start over.

Hoping she would answer.

She never did.

He had enough drama to last him a lifetime, he had just gone back to work after suffering a heart attack during a call. It had been eye opening for them both, Trudy had always been a bit of health nut but he was the polar opposite.

It was a wake up call, and he felt as if he had defied the odds and now he feared that his wife may not be as lucky.

He pushed the pedal down even further.

He had to get to his Trudes.

He had heard plenty of people talk about out of body experiences or a feeling as if one was in a movie. When what was playing out in front of you was surreal, it was strange and he always just rolled his eyes at the mere mention of it.

Until today.

He felt as if he was stuck in some sick dream. He had been physically restrained multiple times already, he'd tried to get past the barricades and had been warned that if he did it again he'd been in cuffs and in the back of a squad car.

Adam was furious.

He did as they asked though, he wasn't leaving here.

Not until Kim was out and he knew she was safe.

Kim was out cold.

She had popped off at the mouth one time too many and Tomas hit her once more with the butt of his gun, the second time she'd been pistol whipped and it was what broke the camel's back.

Her face was covered with dried blood, one of the lacerations had finally stopped bleeding but the newest one was still pouring blood at a pretty alarming rate. Blood pooled on the floor beneath her chair, every so often she could be heard moaning softly or a sick gurgle as she choked on her own blood, as it poured from her broken nose.

Tomas was pacing the length of the bullpen, the sun had set hours ago and he was being denied his only request, Hank Voight. He knew his time was running out and he would need to make a move soon.

He was over talking to the negotiators. They refused to meet his demands and he wasn't about to waste any more precious time talking to them. He knew they hoped he'd talk to them long enough so that he'd be distracted and that's when they'd move in.

He was fine with losing his life today as long as it was on his terms and by his own hand.

"Clearly I'm okay Randall. Now, please go. I've got work to do."she shrugged him off, her eyes filled with tears, she refused to cry. Not now. There'd be time for tears later but right now she had to keep her composure, she had to focus on the task at hand.

Mouch sighed heavily, he chased after her, "Hon, I get it. I'm scared for her too. I'm also scared for you. You've got a nasty cut" he grabbed her wrist, "Please Trudy, lets get it looked at." He pushed her hair to the side, it was a vicious cut and it was deep.

"No!" She shouted, "No! I'm fine, okay?"

It was a bold face lie and she knew it, "it's okay, babe" Mouch pulled her agianst his chest, "it's okay."

Her knees buckled as Mouch wrapped his arms around her, her sobs ripped through her body with a ferocity she didn't know existed, "No.." she mumbled, "it's not okay...it's not. She's alone..."

He was wound tightly, a coil wound almost beyond it's limits and he was on the verge of snapping. He had watched helplessly as they tried to get through to whoever it was holding the district hostage.

It was all happening in slow motion, he had never been on this side of things. He was always on the inside, working to bring a stand off to an end. Never had he been in this position, on the other side of the barricade wringing his hands together.

Holding his breath.

Adam went to the command center and grabbed a cup of coffee, he definitely didn't need the caffeine. He was seriously on edge and needed something to do, something monotonous, something that didn't require much thought on his part.

Kim consumed his thoughts, she was all he could think about.

As he stirred the packets of sugar into his cup he couldn't help but hear a couple of suits in deep conversation.

"You know who it is, right?" The taller man asked, Adam didn't recognize either man but his interest was piqued, "The guy behind this."

"I don't." The other man replied, he was short and stocky and probably one bacon cheeseburger away from a massive heart attack, "Guy isn't very smart. That much I know."

The other man pointed in the direction of Voight, "I hear Voight was in county the same time as the kid. Word is he was supposed to be his protector or some shit. In typical Voight fashion he left the kid high and dry. He took a brutal beating not long after that."

Adam chucked the styrofoam cup in the trash can and approached the men, "What did you just say? Voight is the reason this is happening? It's him they want?"

The two shared a confused look, "Who are you?"

"Ruzek. Adam Ruzek. Are you fucking with me right now?" He was unconsciously clenching and unclenching his fists at his side he was so angry he could spit nails.

"Nah, man. Clearly we don't know for sure but that's the word floating around. They want Voight but SWAT shut it down."

Adam stalked off angrily.

It was unfolding in slow motion in front of Olinsky, Adam had appeared out of nowhere and had Voight by the shirt collar and tossed up against the wall, "What the fuck did you do? Huh? How'd you dick that son of a bitch over? What did you do?" Adam's face was blood red and his jugular vein bulged as h screamed.

"Ruzek! Put him down." Olinsky screamed desperate to get Adam's hands off of Voight, "Adam!"

"You don't think I want to be up there?" Hank pointed towards the building, "I don't want to be down here..it's out of my control." He had pleaded his case to anyone who'd listen but they all gave him the same answer.

No.

"Fuck you!" Adam screamed he tossed his boss to the ground, "This is on you! Do you hear me? Kim's blood is on your hands!"

Olinsky chased after him, "Adam, come back!"

Adam blew him off with a flick of the wrist, "Fuck off!"

Her neck ached and her head throbbed her eyes were swollen, leaving her with just a tiny slit to see through and her vision was blurred. She had lost all sense of time and she was pretty sure she had pissed herself. Her wrist were raw from rubbing against the rope, she continued her attempts to slice the rope. She knew she was making progress when she felt something pop.

She continued on, only stopping when one of her captors were near.

Fuck he was pissed.

He wanted to throttle someone and nearly had.

Al wasn't the only one to try and stop him, he had told Halstead and Atwater both to leave him alone. He just needed some time, none of this was easy for him. He was so fucking confused by all of it, he had spent a long time trying to chase her from his head and heart.

It was impossible to fully free himself of her but he had tried. He had gone through more than his fair share of woman and while things had stuck with Brenda, she would never be Kim.

She was gorgeous, there was no denying that but she also knew it. Whereas Kim was completely oblivious to her beauty, she was breathtaking. With make up or without it didn't matter, Kim always took his breath away. Wether she had just rolled out of bed or was dressed to the nines.

She was stunning.

He felt the emotion rise up from his gut like a tidal wave and it nearly brought him to his knees, he braved himself against the wall and struggled for air.

In his attempts to breathe he spotted it.

He had avoided it for a long time, it had brought him nothing but pain.

The only thing it brought to him now was a renewed hope.

Kevin tossed the bottle to Jay, "Have you found him?"

Jay savored the first sip as it slid down his throat, "No sign of him. You know him better than I do. Where would he go?"

"I don't fucking know" Atwater slammed his hand on the table, "Fuck this needs to end."

Just as he had suspected it had worked, he knew that not everyone knew about the door, it was hidden from view and used by those in intelligence. It was pretty nondescript and was often over looked.

It led to a staircase the fed into the bullpen.

He wished he had armed himself a bit better but would have to make due with just his 9mm sitting on his hip.

As he rounded a corner he took one down with the butt end of his gun, grabbed the weapon from him.

Thankfully his gun held a silencer and that would serve him well.

As he moved towards the bullpen he quickly picked two more off, their bodies slumped over and both dead before they hit the ground.

He felt his heart crumble when he spotted the back of Kim's head, he couldn't stop the gasp the fell from his lips.

It would be his undoing.


	5. He Hates You

Twenty minutes, it couldn't have been more than that could it?

In twenty minutes everything had gone to shit, she had just freed herself from the chair when the first shots rang out, and then she felt someone throw their body on top of her.

Her first instinct was to panic and then she heard it.

The sweetest sound ever.

' _I've got you'_

Those three words brought her comfort.

He had protected her, his body covered hers.

Adam cursed himself, his gasp had alerted them to his presence and he had lost the element of surprise. He knew he had to pull it together, he quickly returned fire once, taking one of them out. He lay with his body over Kim's once again.

He waited for a break in the shooting and tried to make a run for it, Kim was incapable of running, he would have to carry her out.

"We've got to go. I will carry you." Adam whispered as he picked her up, he knew it was going to be close. He just needed three minutes, three minutes to get to the back stairs and then they'd be out.

Three minutes.

He was wrong.

It was a gross miscalculation, he never saw the man coming, he stood up with Kim in his arms he took a few steps and then he felt it. It was a hot searing pain, the bullet ripping through his flesh, hitting him in the back. He took another shaky step before his legs buckled, a bullet tearing through the back of his thigh. He did the only thing he could do, he once again covered Kim's body with his own.

He felt as if he was on fire, the pain was intense and unlike anything he'd ever felt before in his life, his clothes soaked with blood. His skin slick with sweat and his face an ashen gray color.

He was fucked.

He would gladly give his life for her's.

"Fuck!" Halstead screamed as they charged towards the district, it was like a war zone. Shots were being fired from all directions, the copper scent of blood hung in the air.

Shell casings littered the lobby of the twenty first, he had stepped over the bodies of three men. Two of them were offenders and one was a police officer, and it gave him pause. He uttered a silent prayer for his brother in blue before heading upstairs.

The scene had been secured and the surviving offenders cuffed, a line of ambulances waited for their patients. It was a bloody mess and he feared what was awaiting them upstairs.

As the SWAT team gave the all clear everything started to come together, the paramedics ran up the stairs.

Voight had taken off the minute they heard the first shots ring out, ignoring the commander's request that he stay put.

He had carried the burden of the entire situation on his shoulders and not being an active participant was hard to swallow.

Ruzek had gone rogue and it had blown up in his face, and now that the dust had settled, the fear began to set in.

Adam looked awful he was barely conscious when they lifted him up and carried him down the stairs before tossing him in the back of a bus. They all knew it was bad when the paramedics didn't bother waiting for a stretcher. It was never a good sign when the lead paramedic called for a ' _scoop and run'_ it meant that every minute counted and they wouldn't waste precious time waiting for someone to bring a stretcher upstairs.

Kim's injuries looked far worse than they were, her nose obviously broken, and because of that her eyes started to swell and bruise, she had two lacerations. One near her temple, and the other her cheekbone. She was helped into an ambulance, her steps shaky and fresh tears mingled with the dried blood on her face.

She was a mess.

Tomas Santiago lay beneath a sheet, somehow Voight had been able to take the man down.

The death toll was high and sadly it included a police officer.

They hoped it would remain that way.

Adam Ruzek could not die.

Kim sat on the examination table wearing a stiff hospital gown, her hands still trembling. She was in shock, her heart racing and her breathing shallow.

Kevin crouched down in front of her, taking her hands in his, "Burgess..you're okay. You're safe now, try to calm down. You're scaring me girl, come on deep breaths Burgess. Deep slow breaths" He coached her, he glanced up at the monitor, her heart rate was far too high. He was certain his wasn't much better, he may have been trying to calm Kim, but he needed the reminder to breathe as well. Their entire unit was knocked on their collective asses. Their home had been viciously attacked, their safe haven from the ugliness they tried to bring down. As if that wasn't bad enough they had tormented Kim and they left Adam clinging to life.

It was hard to watch as they raced the gurney Adam lay on through the doors of the operating room, he had looked on in horror when a nurse jumped on the stretcher and straddled Adam so she could continue chest compressions. At some point during the drive from the district to the hospital he had stopped breathing.

A fact they had decided to keep from Kim. She would lose her shit if she knew how seriously hurt Adam was. She was barely holding it together as it was, she was frantic when they had first arrived. Kevin found her holding Adam's head in her lap and she sat on the floor beside him. Her cries were guttural and would haunt his dreams for a long time. Her screams had made the tiny hairs on his arms stand on end, she was pleading with Adam. She was distraught, ' _Adam, don't you dare die on me'_ she pulled him closer to her chest, tears mixing with blood.

It was horrific.

Will Halstead entered the exam room, "Hey" he nodded his head at Kevin, "Can I discuss your injuries in front of Kevin?" He asked Kim, though it was a mere formality but he had to ask regardless.

"Yes" Kim mumbled, "of course."

Will sat beside her on the table, "As we expected your nose is broken. Not much we can do about it, based on the x-rays it will heal on its own. No complications on that front. I'm gonna need to close up the two lacerations, the one here" he pointed to her cheekbone "will require stitches, the one at your hairline is a bit deeper and will need a few staples to close it. You'll have a nasty headache for a few days, but all things considered you're lucky." He rubbed her forearm.

"Adam?" She asked meekly.

Will sighed, "Still in surgery. It's going to be a long one."

Kim gingerly wiped her eyes with a tissue, "He saved me."

"That he did" Will replied, "We will save him. Don't you worry, okay?" He pulled her into a gentle hug, "try and rest, I will back in a little while."

Kevin stood up and shook his hands, "Thanks Doc."

"You bet. I mean it Kim, get some rest."

Mouch clutched his wife's hand in his, she'd been seen by the doctor and thankfully her injuries were minor. She had a nasty cut on her head and it had bled a lot but it took just two sutures to close it up.

He placed a kiss on her temple, "You scared me today."

Trudy glared at him, "I guess we're even then." She rubbed his leg, "Never a dull moment." She leaned into his side, "Can you ask for an update?"

"On Adam or Kim?" He asked her.

"Preferably both, but I will take anything at this point."

In all her years on the job she had never seen anything like this before, it felt like one of the cheesy action movies, Randall loved to watch. Her hands still trembled, it had been a few hours since they arrived at the hospital. She was quickly running out of patience, she needed to know how Kim and Adam were doing.

Jay, Al, and Hank gathered in the emergency room's lobby, they'd been debriefed and had already made the necessary phone calls.

All that was left was to wait.

Her voice was shrill, "Where's Adam? Where is he? Oh my god, Jay. Is he okay?" Brenda grabbed a hold of his arm, her face tear stained.

Jay grabbed her upper arms, "He still in surgery, we don't know much yet." He led her to a chair, "You need to try and calm down, okay?"

Brenda took the tissues he offered her, "What happened?"

Jay looked towards Voight silently asking for his permission to tell her what had gone down. When Voight nodded Jay began to tell her "It was a hostage situation. We had an officer upstairs in the bullpen when the group charged in. They ordered everyone that was downstairs outside. They went upstairs, they wanted Voight but he was out in the field. They settled for the officer that was in the bullpen."

"Adam?"

"No, but Adam went in, he defied a direct order and he went in. He took a few of them out but he was outgunned and outnumbered. He was shot twice."

Brenda knew it in an instant, "The officer inside it was his ex, wasn't it? Adam went in to save her, didn't he?"

Jay traced the lines on the palm of his hand, refusing to look her in the eye. "Yes. It was. It was Kim." He never really cared for Brenda, she was loud and seemed to think she was God's gift to men. She expected everyone to fawn all over her and she seemed to cling to Adam whenever they went out. He was a bit surprised to see that she had hooked up with Adam and that it had morphed into more than just a one night stand. He'd given up trying to make sense of it, she was making Adam happy and that was all that mattered; he felt for her. She clearly cared about Adam and the shooting had left her reeling.

It left them all feeling.

Brenda bobbed her head up and down slowly, "I guess it shouldn't surprise me. She's the elephant in the room." She sat up a little taller in the chair, "is she okay?" She wasn't an idiot, she knew Adam still carried a torch for her.

"She's stable, her injuries aren't life threatening. She was roughed up pretty good." Jay explained.

"Not surprising."

Jay cocked his head to the side, the comment was a bit strange, "What?"

She shrugged, "She's okay but Adam isn't. Isn't that the story of their relationship? She walked away from it unscathed and Adam was heartbroken. It's what happened here. She walked away and Adam is fighting for his life." She couldn't hide the venom in her words. She was pissed.

"Seriously?" Jay asked, she was really going there. As they sat in the ER waiting for word on Adam and she was going to bring that up, "I'm pretty sure this isn't the time or place, I also don't like what you're saying. You have no fucking clue what you're talking about. I suggest you keep your mouth shut. Out of respect for Adam I won't ask you to leave. I can promise you this though, you talk shit about Kim again you're gone. Especially around Olinsky and Kevin, they won't stand for it."

She held her hands up in defense, "Got it."

Mouch slowly pushed the door open and stuck his head inside, "You up for visitors?" He asked Kim, Trudy was a few steps behind him.

Kim smiled softly, "Sure."

He waited as Trudy step inside the women sharing a long embrace, Kim's muffled cries could be heard as she buried her face in Trudy's neck. He knew they needed sometime alone, he tapped Kim's foot, "I'm going to give you two a few minutes alone. I'm glad you're okay Kim." He didn't stick around for her response, he closed the door behind him. He too needed a minute, he needed air and he needed to catch his breath.

Trudy pushed the hair from her eyes, "Talk to me, Burgess."

Kim sniveled a bit, "It was awful. I had the music on, I heard nothing. I heard someone calling out, I thought it was one of us. I just thought I needed to buzz them in. Next thing I know they shot the gate and were up the stairs in a flash. I had a gun in my face. They wanted Voight. They hit me a few times. Restrained me to the chair" she never took a breath the words exploding from within her, "I had rubbed the rope, eventually I cut through it" she played with the blanket, "I stood up and the next thing I knew bullets were flying and someone tackled me. I tried to fight back.." her voice cracked as she was overcome with emotion, she fought through the tears, "then I heard him. He said ' _I've got you_ ' it was Adam" her voice nearly swallowed by her sobs.

"That sounds like Adam" Trudy forced a smile, "I'm glad he did it though, I'm so happy you're okay."

"Adam? Is he okay?" Kim managed to ask, "He was shot because I couldn't walk" yet another sob escaping her, "It's my fault, if I could've walked Adam wouldn't of been shot."

"Shh.." Trudy hushed her, "You know as well as I do that Adam wouldn't want you to blame yourself. It's not your fault, Kim. You know Adam, he has to be the hero" she teased, "Come on, calm down. You're supposed to be resting."

Kim angrily shook her head, "No! I can't. Not until I know if Adam is okay." Her tears started anew and poured from her eyes.

"No news is good news Kim. He's still in surgery."

Hours passed and she had dozed shortly after being told Adam had made it through surgery and was in the ICU, she had begged to visit him but had been told it was impossible.

Now as the sun peaked above the horizon, she could no longer stay way. She kicked the covers off and grabbed her robe from the couch and slipped it on. They removed her IV a few hours earlier and she was thankful for that, it would make the walk to Adam's room a bit easier.

Her stomach was sick as she finally found his room, carefully she pushed the door open and braced herself for what was to come.

"You're going to be okay, babe. I know it." Brenda whispered, as she heard the crack of the door her head spun around, "What're you doing here?"

Kim was taken aback, she never expected to see _her_ , "I wanted to see him. I needed to see him"

Brenda waved her hand at him, "Well, here is he. He's fighting for his life. Thanks to you. He's going to be okay, I will make sure of it. You've seen him, now you can go. He doesn't need you, he has me. I love him, you know. I love him more than you ever did. I can assure you of that. He doesn't need you, and he doesn't want you. He _hates_ you."

Kim felt like she'd been kicked in the teeth, "I shouldn't have come"

"No. You shouldn't have. Get out!"


	6. No One Ever Said I Was Smart

Fuck everything hurt, he struggled to form a coherent thought. As he opened his eyes he instantly slammed them shut again. The fluorescent lighting was entirely way too bright and it made his head throb. He had a serious case of cotton mouth and his lips chapped and cracked from the dryness in the room. He felt the nasal prongs pumping oxygen into his nose, but that too aggravated.

He blindly reached up to yank it out, when a hand covered his.

"Leave it babe. You need it." The voice was familiar but felt like it was miles away, he opened his eyes again. "Oh, Adam.." Brenda placed her hand on his cheek.

"Kim" Adam asked, his voice low and raspy "Kim?" He asked again this time with a bit more urgency.

Brenda ignored the desire for a nasty reply, "She's fine. I'm worried about you."

"Fine" Adam coughed, the simple act amplified the intense pain he was already feeling, "Kim..she ok?" He grabbed the morphine button and pushed it. He had a very foggy recollection of a nurse explaining it to him at some point in the night.

"Jesus, Adam. She's fine." Brenda snapped.

Her reply was harsh, and she regretted it but she couldn't stand it. Of course Kim was his first concern. He was lying in bed after a long and involved surgery, he was looking at months of recovery and his first thought and words upon waking were about Kim.

"I don't understand why you care about her, Adam. She's a heartless bitch." Brenda adjusted the blankets around him.

"Don't." Adam groaned. He was in serious pain despite the morphine and her comments regarding Kim were only adding fuel to the fire, "Don't talk about her."

Brenda rolled her eyes, "She continuously kicked you while you were down, yet you still follow her like a little puppy. Honestly I don't get it. Why do you care about her? She treated you like shit. You told me that." She huffed. He rarely talked about Kim with her but occasionally she'd pop up in conversation and he'd rail against her. At first she didn't mind it, she'd talk about some of her exes but it had dawned on her one night that he still had feelings for Kim. It was the way he talked about her, when she discussed an ex it was devoid of emotion.

Not Adam, when he talked about Kim he would get worked up and she could see it in his eyes, despite the words of anger his eyes shone with love.

She'd never understand the hold Kim had on Adam and his heart. Why he would never let her go, or why he still loved her.

"Don't. I feel like shit, I don't want to talk." He definitely didn't want to talk to her about Kim or listen to her talk shit about Kim.

She stroked his hair, "Sorry" she pulled her hand back when Adam pulled away from her touch, "What? I can't touch you?" She felt her cheeks flush and her face became hot, her anger rising from her gut.

"I'm tired." Adam responded, closing his eyes. She was right, the last thing he wanted was her hands on him. Was he a dick? Possibly. He didn't care though, he was in far too much pain to care.

"Okay. Sorry. Sleep. I will stay put." Brenda pulled the chair closer to the bed, "just sleep, I'm here."

Adam opened his eyes, "Go home. You look tired. I'm okay." Fuck she was dense, did he need to beat her over the head with it? He wanted to be alone.

"Gohome? Seriously? I was terrified Adam, the last thing I want to do is leave your side." Brenda grabbed his hand.

"Sorry you were scared. Really I am. It's not about you though. I want to sleep and I want to be alone." He snapped.

Brenda grabbed her purse, "Whatever Adam. I'm so over this shit. I've put up with your pissy mood for weeks. I'm done. The sex was amazing and all but you're not worth the aggravation, not when you're still chasing a someone who has made it clear she's not interested."

He couldn't believe she was bringing that shit up now, "You knew this. You knew I was just looking for a good time, you agreed. You said you just wanted to have fun. A friends with benefits arrangement. I don't want to hear it."

"Maybe it started out that way, but it's changed. I sat here for hours waiting to hear if you were okay, and this is how you thank me? You're an asshole, Adam. A real fucking asshole."

Adam brought his hand to rest on his forehead, perhaps one of the few areas that didn't hurt like hell, "I never asked you to wait with me."

"I'm done. Happy healing Adam, but don't come crawling back to me when she stomps on your heart once more."

Adam closed his eyes, flinching when she slammed the door.

Kim couldn't look away from her reflection, her eyes were horrifically bruised and swollen, the lacerations looked angry. It was evident that she had been in a hostage situation. She gripped the sides of the sink as her emotions became too much to bare.

It was more than being held hostage in the district, she had been done that road before. Sure she hadn't been alone the last time it had happened, and that had added to her fear.

It was a culmination of things.

Once again Adam had been her white knight, despite her repeatedly kicking him in the balls he had shown up for her.

He had saved her.

He ignored the danger, he had but himself in the middle of it. He bucked authority and went. He had done everything but draw a bullseye on his back.

He took two bullets for her.

It weighed heavily on her.

She had always considered herself a good person, she tried her damnedest to see the good in every person she encountered. It didn't matter if it was a suspect in a case she worked, or the owner of the corner deli. She was bound and determined to find something positive, she was more than willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Everyone but Adam.

It hit her like a freight train, she had given everyone in her life multiple chances it didn't matter how many times they slipped up or how they let her down. She always welcomed them back in her life, without question.

Why did she never give Adam the same courtesy? Why was it so easy for her to walk away from him?

Adam Ruzek was the only person who always had her back, he was constantly worried about her well being. He was the man she was going to marry and she had taken him for granted.

She expected him to know what she wanted at all times, she expected him to hang on her every word. He was supposed to fall over himself for her.

She ended their relationship without explanation. She turned her back on him without a second glance. She talked to everyone and their brother about their relationship but she never spoke to him. She played juvenile games with him, testing him without his knowledge.

Despite all of that he still had her back.

While everyone else had left her swinging in the breeze, Adam had her back.

While he had her back she stabbed him in his.

As the tears poured from her eyes, her knees buckled and she fell to the ground in a heap.

What the fuck was wrong with her.

Hank stopped to top of his coffee, they'd been in meetings all morning and sadly there was no end in sight. They'd grilled him on his time in prison, wanted to know everyone he crossed paths with. They asked about any deals he made and who he made them with.

He had never agreed to protecting Santiago but he had been approached, he had been close to his release date and refused to fuck it up. He had heard some rumblings that someone had offered to protect the kid.

People tended to forget that someone in jail was only out for themselves and always had an agenda, that their word meant jack shit. Hank was certain that whoever agreed to protect the kid did so because he'd benefit from it and once those benefits stopped he stopped protecting the kid.

One of the punks that managed to survive had mentioned a 21 gun salute, and it made their intentions crystal clear, not that they weren't before.

Tomas Santiago had talked about his desire to kill Voight, and he wanted to do it at the district, he termed the operation '21 Gun Salute' that the pig dying in his district would be poetic justice for turning his back on him.

Al watched his old friend, the two had spent years working together and they knew each other well. He knew the pensive look on Hank's face was merely the tip of the iceberg, he was blaming himself.

Al gripped his shoulder, "This isn't your fault. I know you won't listen to me or anyone else but you can't blame yourself, Hank. This wasn't your doing. Ruzek? God love him Hank, but he did this on his own. I love that dumbass like a son but he was wrong to go in alone."

Hank cocked an eyebrow at him, "Don't act like you wouldn't do the exact same thing if it was someone you loved."

"Of course I would, and I'd expect you to call me out on it." Al pointed at him, "Hank, you know what I'm saying, it's going to eat you alive if you're not careful. Burgess is okay and Adam will be too. We suffered a loss, and that sucks. I hate it for the officer we lost and his family but it could've been worse. We could've lost Adam" just the thought of losing Adam made his blood run cold, he'd already lost too much "We will circle the wagons a bit and regroup and move on."

Hank nodded, "I know. It's gonna take sometime to get to that point."

"Come on, lets head back. Get this shit over with." He was anxious to check in on Adam, he had seen briefly once he was out of surgery. Adam was still out of it and he would feel a helluva lot better once he was able to talk to him, and see for himself that he was okay.

"Hey homie" Kevin jumped up when Adam began to stir, "Damn bro..you scared us man." He leaned down to hug Adam.

It was a bit confusing for Adam, he had barely opened his eyes and Kevin was in his face and hugging him. He had no concept of time, and was a bit disoriented "hey..what time is it?"

Kevin sat back down, "Late man, after nine. You've been sleeping for hours. I was starting to worry, I had to bribe the nurse to let stay past visiting hours."

Adam laughed lightly, wincing as he did so, "Oh yeah? How'd you do that?"

Kevin shrugged, "told her I'd take care of a few speeding tickets. I couldn't leave man, I couldn't leave you alone."

They never talked much about it but they all knew the risks of their job. That they never knew what would happen during a call and if they'd all get to go home at the end of a shift.

It had knocked Kevin on his ass, he considered both Adam and Kim family. He thought he was going to lose them both and he was still rattled.

"I was asleep. It didn't matter."

"Yes it did. I was surprised Brenda wasn't here. I thought for sure she'd need to be dragged away from you, kicking and screaming. She was a mess man."

Adam adjusted the bed so he was sitting upright a bit more, "She was screaming when she left. We had a fight."

"A fight?"

Adam gingerly reached for his bottle of water, "Yeah. I guess I asked about Kim when I woke up..I don't know. Doesn't matter now, she's gone. It was just a matter of time. It's not a big deal."

"Seriously? She's gonna do you like that? You had major surgery." Kevin wasn't Brenda's biggest fan but he was pissed she had turned her back on him.

"Don't. It doesn't bother me." He took another sip, "How's Kim?"

Kevin could keep the smirk off his face, "Shaken but okay. She was discharged earlier, she didn't stop by to see you?"

"Nope. Haven't seen anyone other than my pops, Brenda, and you." He had been out of it most of the day, the pain medicine kept him pretty groggy and it was near on impossible to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time.

Kevin took a deep breath, "What you did last night, that..that was stupid man. Really fucking stupid."

"No one ever said I was smart." Adam shrugged, "I'd do it again if I had to. I'd do anything for her."


	7. I'm Such A Bitch

Sweats.

He never thought he would be so over the moon about fucking sweat pants but he was. If he could've leaped for he would have, when Kevin showed up with greasy food and sweats he almost forgot about the intense pain he was still having.

They had warned him that day three would be the worst and he had blown them all off proclaiming ' _I got this',_ only for as the morning went on his pain level increased and he felt sick to his stomach.

He had even venture out of bed yesterday took a few laps around the nurses desk, albeit they were slow laps. He had felt almost human yesterday, today was a different story. It was why he had called Kevin just as the sun came up and begged him to visit. He was slowly losing his mind, Adam Ruzek didn't do still and quiet and there was only so much Law and Order one could watch.

"Thanks man." He gratefully took the sweats from Kevin, "I really appreciate this. I know it's early and you've been busy but I'm losing my mind." He pulled the cover back and attempted to pull the sweats on.

His thigh was wrapped in guard, a drain peeking out from the gauze a bulb at the end of it collecting the blood as the wound healed. He'd be cut from mid thigh down to his knee, the bullet had embedded in the muscle.

"Fuck!" Adam grunted when he found it impossible to put the pants on, he leaned back against the pillow and pressed his fingers into his eyes. He was frustrated, exhausted, and in immense pain.

"I will do it." Kevin jumped up and helped him out. He was a bit shocked to see Adam's injuries.

"Bet you never thought you'd be in my pants" Adam smirked, anything to find a bit of levity in what had been the most horrific event in his life. It wasn't his injuries that had him so upset, it was Kim.

The fact that Kim had been a hostage had nearly killed him, it was why he went against orders, he had to. He couldn't sit on his hands while Kim was at the mercy of thugs.

Kevin laughed, "That just sounds wrong man. Don't ever say that shit again, Ruzek. It ain't cool."

As they ate breakfast, or more appropriately as Kevin ate breakfast Adam looked pensive, "What is it man?" Kevin wiped his mouth, "You need to eat homie."

Adam picked at the bacon, "have you seen her?"

"Burgess?"

Adam nodded.

"I did. Just the other day. She came into the district to sign some paperwork. She's on medical leave. You haven't seen her?"

Adam curled his lip, "Nope." He pushed the tray away and tried to find a more comfortable position, his gut gurgling as he moved.

"Yo..you good?" Kevin stood up, the color from Adam's faced had drained. He looked gray and sweat beaded along his brow, "Adam?"

Adam's mouth watered and his stomach heaved, he tried to swallow the vomit as it hit his throat but it was impossible and before he knew he had spewed all over himself, even Kevin had been hit. As his stomach retched, his abdomen burned and the pain took his breath away.

"Shit." Kevin held his hands away from his body, "I will get a nurse." He'd barely finished his sentence when the alarms went off, he glanced back at Adam and watched as his buddy's eyes rolled back in his head and his body convulsed.

Kevin charged into the hallway, "Help! I need some help in here! Somethings wrong!"

Nicole quickly paid the driver and hurried up the steps, she hated that it had taken her so long to get home but between moving halfway across the country and getting Zoe settled it was hard to get away. She had reconnected with a high school sweetheart, things moved pretty fast but she was happier than she had been in years. Zoe loved Daniel, despite being a bit sad about the move initially she warmed up to the idea and was excited to have a new step sister.

Just as things trended upward for Nicole, it seemed Kim's life was the opposite.

Kevin had been the one to call her, he promised Nicole that he would look out for Kim until Nicole could get home.

She was finally home and anxious to see her sister and hug her neck.

She pounded on the door, "Kim!" She peaked in the window and was disturbed by the darkness, Kim hated a dark house.

Nicole scanned the porch and found the ceramic frog that Kim always kept a spare key in, she quickly flipped it over and opened the secret compartment and shook it until the key fell in her hand.

She had the door opened in a flash and was inside the air was heady and felt stale. The house was an absolute mess, papers littered the floor, baskets of laundry had been flipped. The throw pillows from the couch had been tossed aside, the coffee table had been flipped upside down.

Nicole's heart began to race.

Where the hell was Kim?

Kevin paced the length of the corridor, he had been pushed from the room and the door slammed shut in his face. He had stood just outside the window and watched as they worked on Adam, he wanted to scream when one of the nurses shut the blinds.

It had been nearly an hour and he knew nothing. He had begged for an update only for a nurse to shut him down, told him the doctors were working on Adam.

The elevator doors opened and Kevin whipped his head around at the sound of his name, Bob Ruzek was fast approaching him.

"Hey Pops" Kevin pulled him into a bear hug, "He was fine." He let go of Bob, "Talking. He even laughed a little bit, he was fine."

"Clearly He wasn't fine, Kevin. What happened?"

"He called me earlier this morning, asked me to bring him some clothes and grab some food." Kevin explained, "We were eating, talking. Next thing I know the color drains from his face and he's puking. Like really puking. Exorcist level puking, I went to get a nurse but before I was even out the door I heard this weird sound and I looked back and it was Adam. He was having a seizure, his eyes rolled back in his head.."

"Fuck"Bob sighed. "What did they say was going on?"

"Nothing. They've told me nothing." Kevin hunched over in the chair burying his head in hands.

"They'll tell me." Bob jumped up, "let's go find someone and figure out what's going on with my boy."

Nicole had searched everywhere for her sister, and was seconds away from calling the police when she heard the muffled cries. She went further into Kim's room and into the attached bathroom and through to the large walk in closet.

"Kim?" Nicole found her sitting on the floor in the corner of the closet, held tightly in her arms was sweatshirt, "Honey.."

"I'm a bitch." Kim cried, "I'm such a bitch."

Nicole squeezed in beside her, "No you're not. Why would you say that?" She was shocked she had even understood what Kim had said. She was crying hysterically, her face red and blotchy, tears poured from her eyes. Her entire body shook with each breath she took, she was inconsolable.

"Yes. Yes I am." Kim turned to face her sister, "I hurt him. I continued to hurt him. He didn't deserve it, he deserved so much more than I could give him..that I would give him. He loved me, Nicole. He loved me so much and I treated him like shit. I broke his heart and then kept stomping on it."

"Oh, Kim." Nicole tried to hug her, only for Kim to jump up and race from the closet, "Kim, come back."

"No! I've got to get out of here, I need to get away from here." She slipped the sweatshirt on and grabbed her keys from the nightstand beside her bed, "I need to go."

Nicole followed her, "Okay, I will go to. We can grab some lunch."

Kim stopped on a dime, "No. I need to be alone. Just let me be alone." She couldn't stand to be in her own skin. The guilt of it all was suffocating, it was hard to come to terms with the fact that Adam wasn't the one who had ruined their relationship.

She was.

She had placed all of the blame at Adam's feet, when she was the one who played head games. She had set him up to fail, she had told him she wanted more to time to plan their wedding, to get it right. She told him she wanted to push the date back, why wouldn't he agree?

She lacked the common decency, she allowed him to find out about her relationship with Roman in an open court room. Even after Adam had done everything he could to help prove her innocence.

He wasn't perfect, but he had loved her.

She rejected him.

He ran from intelligence when she was promoted and that hurt, it hurt a lot. She was angry at first, thought he was a coward.

Then she found that picture hidden in the desk drawers, the desk that had been his. It made her heart ache, it was that day the first seeds of doubt had been planted. That perhaps Adam wasn't as unwilling to marry her as she had thought, or as other people had thought.

He came home and they kissed and spent some time together, their relationship was slowly returning to where it used to be. Then shit hit the fan and before she knew it and when the dust settled they had tried again. Only for her to push him away, he'd come back around and she'd pull him back in.

She continued to play with his head, and when he had enough he told her it was too complicated that perhaps they should remain friends.

She angrily swiped the tears away as they fell, her vision clouded by them. She was driving without a destination, she was running away.

Running away from everything.

Running away from everyone.

The only person she couldn't run away from herself, but dammit she was going to try.

Kevin had never seen such terror on a person's face, neither one of them had expected this outcome.

Bob had followed the doctor upstairs and Kevin was left to handle the notifications.

"My boy Doc, is he going to be okay?" Bob held on to Adam's foot, "he's going to come out of this, okay isn't he?"

Dr. Mathison pursed his lips before answering, questions like Bob's weren't his favorite in fact he loathed them. He had learned that it was impossible to predict, that shit could go sideways in the blink of an eye.

Just like it had this morning.

" , I can't answer that, not the way you'd like me to anyway. Adam is sick, vey sick. He's battling a serious infection and while we are always prepared for infection after a surgery like Adam's we never know if it will set in. Or the severity of it. Adam quickly became critical, the seizure was the result of the sudden onset of a fever a high one at that. We checked the wound on his abdomen and it looks good. His leg is another story, it's in pretty bad shape. We have already started him on an antibiotic, we need to go back in and clean it up. The incision opened up, some tissue has died, so we want to do a debridement and hopefully that'll take care of it. We are prepping an operating room now, and his orthopedist is on his way in. We will know a lot more once we get upstairs."

"Okay." Bob folded his arms across his chest, "Worst case? I need to hear it."

"Worst case? Death. Just like every other surgery. In Adam's case he could lose the significant tissue around the incision and made need skin grafts and multiple surgeries. Loss of limb is always a concern as well. There are a lot of variables that could play out, lets take it a day at a time. One step at a time, okay?"

"Fair enough."

Kevin felt she deserved a face to face, while Halstead, Olinsky, and Voight could handle hearing the news over the phone he knew Kim couldn't it. She was already blaming herself for Adam's predicament, this news would push her over the edge.

Nicole yanked the door open, "Kevin!"

"Hey Nicole. I need to talk to Kim. Can I come in?"

Nicole stepped aside, "Of course. She's not here though, she left. I'm worried about her."

Kevin sighed and looked skyward, "Where is she?"

"Don't know. She's upset. She was in the closet when I got her. Crying her eyes out holding Adam's sweatshirt."

"I will call her." Kevin waited for the call to go through, only to hear Kim's phone ringing from it's spot on the couch, "Shit."

"What's wrong? Is it Adam?"

Kevin slipped his phone in his pocket, "Adam's being rushed back in to surgery, he's had a seizure. He's critical. I think Kim should know, she should be there."


	8. Looks Can Be Deceiving

Bob wasn't the least bit surprised to see the surgical waiting room fill up as the news spread. He may not have cared for Voight but he had been good for Adam, his boy loved intelligence and the people he worked alongside. Intelligence was Adam's family, something Bob was thankful for. He and his wife, Rhonda had never been able to provide the feeling of family for their son. To busy being at each other's throats and having numerous affairs during their ten year marriage.

Adam had longed for family and he had finally found it.

Al approached him, "Bob, hows it going?" He handed him a cup of coffee, "Adam will be fine." He tone was confident, he wouldn't accept any other outcome. Adam would survive, there wasn't another option.

Bob nodded, "Yeah." He walked to the window, "I don't like this. The waiting. It's hard."

Al could sympathize, "It's the worst part. Adam is strong and this is just a setback, you'll see."

"I'm sorry about your daughter. Adam was devastated." He remembered the night Adam showed up on his doorstep, "He really liked her, he said Lexi was a good girl. She loved you. Adam loved how much she loved you, he hoped he'd have a daughter one day."

"Thanks. Lexi loved Adam, I think it was a bit of a crush to be honest. He was good to her." It never failed to bring a smile to his face when thought back on all the times Adam had come over for dinner in those early days after Al pulled him from the academy. Lexi would beam with happiness the moment Adam arrived and hung on his every word. She especially loved when he brought his video games and they'd play for hours on end. The pair laughing hysterically and took great joy in picking on Al as they played. They had made great memories, memories that Al was thankful for.

"That's my Adam. It's a wonder he turned out as well as he did. His mother and I weren't the best parents, we weren't parents at all. He deserved better." He had done the best he could, he went to all of Adam's baseball games, but that was about it. He left Adam to figure a lot out on his own, he never gave him the ' _talk_ ' and he was far from a positive influence for his son when it came to dating and relationships. He had married so young that when he and Rhonda finally ended their disaster of a marriage he went a bit crazy. His first mistake and one he had regretted was bringing those women around Adam. It was fun at first, he enjoyed getting a rise out of Rhonda when Adam would tell her about his dad's latest girlfriend. It all changed though when Adam had grown close to one of them, her name was Rachel and Adam thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. Adam was crushed when they broke up, Bob felt like shit. He stopped bringing them around, but the damage had been done.

"None of us are perfect parents, we just do the best we can" Al smiled at him, "Adam loves you. You're the reason he's a cop"

Bob sucked his teeth, "He's the best part of me. He's the only thing I did right. I can't lose him."

Kevin wasn't surprised to see Kim's car parked just outside the main entrance of the park, he'd spent the last hour driving all over Chicago in hopes of locating her. They had issued a BOLO on her car, but it wasn't needed. He remembered a music festival that Adam and Kim had dragged him to. It wasn't long after their engagement and sadly it wasn't much that long before the wheels came off their relationship.

He had busted their chops for days afterwards, complained that he hated being a third wheel, and chirped them about their 'insane amount of PDAs' but he really had a good time and loved seeing them happy.

The park was pretty quiet despite the warm weather, it was the middle of the week and school was in session. That left just the stay at home moms trying to hang on to the last bit of warmth before winter descended upon them. A few people walked around the track, but the crowd was light.

It made it that much easier to spot Kim.

She was sitting with her back up against a tree her knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around them, holding them in place.

Kevin dropped down beside her, he wasn't the least bet surprised when she never turned her head but she spoke, "Nicole call you?"

"No." He squeezed in closer to her.

"I want to go back." Kim kept her gaze trained on some far off spot in the distance.

"Let's go then." Kevin was trying to get a feel for her state of mind, something told him she wasn't quite ready to hear about Adam. She was off, and it worried him. "I will drive you."

Kim shook her head, a bit annoyed that he didn't understand her, "No. That's not what I mean."

"Tell me."

She stuck her hand inside the front pocket of the hoodie she was wearing, "To this" she pulled out the photo, "I want to go back to this. When everything made sense, everything was how it was supposed to be. Back to before I ruined everything. I want to go back to before I broke Adam's heart and my own. I want that day back, I want that life back." Her words were heavy and she felt crushed by the weight of them. It left her gasping for air as Kevin pulled her into his arms.

He felt her trying to fight against him, her hands beating his chest, "Stop fighting it Burgess. Let it go. I've got you, Kim. Just let it go." He had held on as she continued to fight against him.

It couldn't have been more than ten minutes but to Kim it had felt like an eternity, slowly she started to regain her composure, "I'm sorry." She used her sleeve to wipe her tears away. It was Adam's sweatshirt and by some miracle it still held his scent, as she inhaled it washed over her and she needed it now more than ever.

Adam had saved her.

He had risked his life to save her's.

She couldn't stand to be in her own skin.

After everything she had done to Adam, he had risked his life to save her's and he'd been shot doing it.

"I'm so sorry, Kevin. I'm so sorry." She cried.

Kevin kissed her head, "Kim.." He knew he had to tell her, and there wasn't any way to cushion the blow.

It was going to hurt her.

He helped her up off the ground, he returned the picture to her, "I need to tell you something. Tell you why I'm here."

Kim felt her stomach drop, "Kevin..No...no.." she could see the tears in his eyes, "please no..don't say it. Don't tell me. I don't want to know..."

"Adam's taken a turn for the worse. I was with him this morning, he's had a seizure Kim. He's been rushed into emergency surgery, they said he's got a nasty infection in his leg."

"Oh my god." Kim swayed from side to side, placing her hands on Kevin's chest to steady herself.

"I think you should go see him." Kevin covered her hands with his, "He's critical."

"W-what?" She stammered, "You're lying to me. Why would you do that? That's cruel." She stormed off.

Kevin chased after her, "Kim, I'm not lying. I'd never lie to you. Never. Not about this." He guided her towards his vehicle, "Adam needs us all now. He needs to know we love him. All of us, but especially you Kim. He needs to know you're there."

"No, Kevin. Absolutely not."

Kevin furrowed his brow, "What do you mean? Kim, he needs you!" He threw his hands up in the air in disgust, "After all that man has done for you all the shit you put him through. After you broke his heart and he still busted his ass to help you! You're gonna pull this shit? What the fuck is wrong with you? He loves you, he fucking loves you Kim. He loves you! It's the least you can do."

"He hates me."

"Kim, I love you but you're fucking stupid if you think that." He was exasperated with her, "You need to come with me."

Bob jumped up when the surgeon approached him, "How's my son?"

" , lets go somewhere private." He led him down the corridor and into a small office, he waited until Bob sat down before he moved to sit down, "The surgery went well, no complications at all. We had to remove a fair bit of tissue, we did what we could and we closed him up as best we could. He's going to have a long recovery and he's going to to need another surgery once he's stronger. We ran a culture on the infected tissue, he's dealing with MRSA, it's a serious infection and Adam's case is vey serious. He's also dealing with pneumonia, it seems when it rains it pours." He finally took a breath, it didn't matter how many years he had done it these conversations never got any easier.

"Can I see him?"

"Soon. We've sedated him, he's on a vent. The next few days are critical."

Bob hung his head, massaging his temples with his thumbs "He will make it, won't he?"

The surgeon stood up, "Only time will tell."

Kim stood off to the side as Kevin talked to the assembled crowd, she wasn't keen to run in to Bob or Brenda, she didn't see hide or hair of either one of them. She just assumed they were with Adam, she busied herself with her phone.

It was Al who approached her first, "Hey, Burgess. You're looking better" He told her, the bruising had slowly started to fade and the swelling was almost non-existent.

Kim wrung her hands together, "I guess. I don't feel better..but it's not the injuries."

Al knew where she was headed, "He's strong, Kim."

She fought to push the sob that had raced from her gut back down, only for it over power her, "I love him" she somehow managed to speak.

Al couldn't help but feel for her, "I know. We all do, Kim."

She felt her heart catch in her throat when Brenda came through the doors, she watched as Jay pointed her to the elevator. She had no business being jealous, especially in this situation. She had paraded more than one man in Adam's face and he never said a word.

Of course his girlfriend would be there, she was the one who didn't belong.

She grabbed Kevin's arm, "I shouldn't be here. I'm going to go."

"No you're not. Sit down." Kevin led her back to the row of chairs, "I'm your ride in case you've forgotten. You're staying put."

"Brenda is here Kevin. I don't want to upset her by being here." Kim turned in her chair, "I will get a cab."

Kevin wanted to scream, "Forget Brenda, okay? Adam saved your life, the least you can do is hang out here until we get the all clear. Okay? Then I will take you home. Once we know Adam is good."

"Okay." Kim nodded her head, it was in fact the least she could do, Kevin had hit the nail on the head.

She owed Adam that.

Bob knew very little about Brenda and was a bit surprised to find her sitting at Adam's bedside, she held one of his hands in her's, "Brenda, how'd you know?" Bob asked her, he hadn't called her and he was pretty sure no one else had either.

She kissed the back of Adam's hand before placing it on his chest and getting up to greet Bob, "My friend Keisha is a nurse. She called me." It didn't surprise her in the least that none of Adam's friends had called her.

"Oh." Bob went to the bed, the sight took his breath away. "I just talked with the doctor, Adam's got a long road ahead of him. He's not out of the woods yet, but I'm optimistic."

Brenda wiped her eyes, "I hate seeing him like this. He looks frail."

Bob shrugged, "Looks can be deceiving." He studied her movements she fawned over Adam, constantly fussing with his hair, or his blankets. She was clingy and even in Adam's current state, it was something he'd hate.

"I just hate it. I want him to wake up. You know?" She glanced over her shoulder at him, "I can't believe this is happening, he'd be okay if it wasn't for her. That's what makes this all so hard. He is in here because of her. That stupid bitch."

"Woah!" Bob jumped up, "I don't claim to understand why Adam did what he did, but my boy loved Kim and she was in trouble. It wasn't the smartest move by son ever made but I'm proud of him. He protects those he loves and those he views as family, that's what makes Adam, Adam. I also know he wouldn't appreciate you calling Kim a bitch. I don't either." He scolded her, "You've got Adam, she doesn't. Focus on that, yeah?"

"Okay." She didn't appreciate the tongue lashing from a man she barely knew but she nodded her head, "Understood. I'm sorry."


	9. She's An Amazing Nurse

Kim had kept herself busy, physically she had recovered completely her mental status hadn't been so lucky. She was seeing a therapist to work through her guilt over everything, not just Adam's shooting but everything that had led to their break up and the aftermath of it.

It was literally one bad decision after the next.

She had beaten herself up over those choices only for her therapist to chastise her a bit for it. Reminding her that she couldn't change the past, and harping on it wasn't good for her mental health. She needed to put it all behind her, so that was what she had done, or that was what she was trying to do.

The doctor suggested writing a letter to those who she felt wronged by and those she wronged. The letter wouldn't be mailed to its recipient, it was simply a way for her to release herself from the burden. It was exactly what she had done, the letter to Adam was long, over four pages in length and she poured her heart and soul into it.

The other was to Sean Roman, it wasn't nearly as long but she felt some of the weight slip off her shoulders and she put her feelings towards him on paper.

She was finally headed in the right direction and she only hoped Adam was on a similar path.

She had finally worked up the courage to visit him a few nights ago he'd been downgraded from the ICU but was still pretty out of it. He was half asleep when she showed up and Kim couldn't be sure if Adam even knew she was in the room.

Kim had only been there about ten minutes when Brenda showed up and asked her to leave. Brenda spoke of Adam needing rest and that he had no desire to visit with her.

Kim asked Brenda to let him know she stopped by and that she hoped he was feeling better soon and she took off before Brenda would see her tears. Kim doubted that Brenda would tell Adam, that she had visited but there was nothing she could do about it.

She didn't blame Brenda, had the roles been reversed there was no way in hell she'd tell his ex came to see him. The ex whose life he had saved, and the reason why he was in the hospital.

So she stayed in the shadows, calling Kevin or Jay for an update on Adam's condition.

She was thankful he was recovering, it was slow going but every day was better than the last. His mother had left a week or so ago, and she had heard that Bob was back at work, a good indicator that Adam was on the upswing.

Adam winced in pain as the nurse checked over the wound on his thigh, it was gnarly and it still made his stomach flip. He'd be receiving a skin graft in the morning, now that he was no longer battling pneumonia and the MRSA had been eradicated. He was dreading it but it meant he was one step closer to being discharged.

He had been shocked to learn just how sick he was, he had been far too close to death for his liking and it still was a bit surreal. When he woke up he was disoriented and in a lot of pain, he was a bit surprised to see his pops and Brenda sitting vigil at his bed.

He'd woken up a week and a half ago but the first few days were a blur, he'd been in and out of consciousness and it left him with time gaps. He still struggled a bit with it, his days were mixed up and he often felt lost during a conversation. The doctors told him it was normal, not only had he suffered serious injuries in the shooting he had contracted a serious infection and had been very sick. He was still on some heavy duty pain medications so it wasn't surprising to anyone that he was a bit confused.

Seeing his parents together had been strange but it didn't last long, once he had woken up and deemed out of the woods his mother was out of town in a blink of an eye.

He didn't care though, she was his mother in name only.

His dad never left his side when he first woke up, and it was all a bit much. He had never seen his pops cry, and he had bawled like a baby when Adam woke up.

"Looks good." The nurse told him as she changed the bandage, "You're good to go for the grafting."

"Yay!" Adam replied with a roll of his eyes, "I guess I should be happy, right? Can't get out of here until that's done."

"Correct," she smiled at him, "Doesn't make it easier though does it?" She tossed the used materials in the garbage, "Where's Brenda?"

"Work" Adam was already flipping through the channels, desperate for something to watch.

"She's a keeper that one. She's been so supportive."

"Yep."

Kim grabbed the last of the reports and headed upstairs, the repairs to the bullpen had been finished and things had returned to normal. Though, for Kim the bullpen would never be the same.

She was still having horrific flashbacks to that night, she'd be standing at the copier or in front of the white board and it would hit her like a freight train. She would zone out and it was as if she'd been transported back in time, the sights the sounds everything from that night would surround her.

She could still smell the blood as it poured from Adam's back, she could feel its stickiness as she rubbed fingertips together, she could hear his muffled groans as he lay on top of her. He didn't care that he had been shot and that he was bleeding profusely his only worry was protecting her.

Kevin was usually the first to notice she was lost in thought, he would gently touch her shoulder and whisper her name. She'd jump and her eyes would be wild, her heart racing.

It was awful.

She had been placed on desk duty, normally she'd argue that she was fine that she could do the work. She couldn't though, the first time she had gone out in the field had been a disaster. The sound of a car back firing had rocked her to the core, Al was with her and he saw it. He knew she wasn't ready, and Kim couldn't fight him on it.

She wasn't ready.

So she was left with the menial task of paperwork, chasing down witnesses and medical records. She was the gopher, and for now that was okay.

"Wake up Adam." Brenda gently nudged his shoulder, "how're you feeling?"

Adan rubbed his eyes, "Fine. What time is it?" He had a busy day of therapy and it always left him exhausted, it didn't take much to tucker him out.

"Just after seven. I brought dinner, I figured you'd want something other than mystery meat. I grabbed burgers." Brenda dished the food out and grabbed the sodas from the vending machine. "How was your day?"

"Same shit, different day" Adam doused his burger with ketchup, "You?"

"Busy. You know how it goes, my boss is on my ass over the stupidest shit. Clearly she doesn't get how stressed I am. I swear they're heartless." She looked over at his barely touched dinner, "You need to eat Adam, you can't eat past midnight. Surgery in the morning."

Adam watched as she continued to speak unaware of the fact that he was barely listening and really didn't care what she had to say. She was suffocating him, she spent her evenings at his bedside and called him a dozen times a day. She was constantly touching him, it made his skin crawl. She would even speak for him when his doctor was in the room, talking over him so she could be heard.

He was a total dick, he knew that. He hated that he felt this way about her, she had been by his side through all of it. No, he didn't ask her to do so, but he couldn't ask her to leave or treat her like shit. Not after all she had done for him.

So he sucked it up. He plastered a smile on his face and made the best of it.

"I know. It's a short one." Adam told her, "you should go to work, my pops will probably be here. I'm good."

Brenda waved her hand around dismissively, "Don't be stupid, Adam. Of course I will be here, I will see you before you go back and I will be here the moment you wake up. I've already taken the day off."

"Bren...you don't have to do that. You've missed a lot of work because of me." Adam hated that, hated being a burden. It didn't matter if it was Brenda or his dad.

Brenda tried her best to disguise the fact he had hurt her, "I've already done it. I know I don't have to do, I want to do it. Now, you need to eat. I don't want to talk about it anymore okay? I want to relax with you before you fall asleep and I don't want you to worry about a thing. Everything will be okay." She leaned over him and kissed him on the mouth, she felt his arms slip around her waist and pull her closer to him.

Adam pulled back, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a dick." He hated how he had treated her of late. He had vague memories of fighting with her before he had gone downhill and even now sometimes her mere presence made his skin crawl, and she had done nothing but support him.

She was by his side.

' _Love the one you're with'_ suddenly held a lot of meaning for him, and he knew he needed to focus on his future and leave the past where it belonged.

Intelligence had been handed a human trafficking case, they had discovered multiple victims in a decrepit warehouse, all chained to the wall with little to no food or water. Their bodies showing significant signs of trauma, many of them were under the age of twenty-five a few spoke little English. Those that could speak English said very little, far too traumatized to form a coherent thought.

While most of the unit had gone out in the field, Kim had remained in the bullpen. She was currently working on finding the smallest connection to the victims they had. Hoping that there's was common denominator of some sort, something that would tie them all together in some fashion.

Perhaps they attended the same college or university, worked for the same business or even partied at the same places. It didn't have to be big, she just needed something.

Something to point them in the right direction.

They had successfully identified seven of the fifteen women, she had plastered the pictures on the board, she had created a file on each victim. She then went back and cross referenced their backgrounds, the only connection was they all had worked in retail, never the same store but always the same mall.

It was quite the possibly the break they needed.

She had already notified Voight and sent him everything she had, and she was on her way to the hospital to see if she could interview the victims a bit more in depth.

When they had previously interviewed them they didn't have a whole lot to go on, but now she knew what to ask.

They were close.

Brenda slipped the slipper socks on Adam's feet, "Stop whining." She huffed as he went on and on about them being too long, too hot, and too ugly. He had gone through surgery with flying colors and all looked well. They wanted Adam up and out of bed once he felt up to it. The quicker he was up and moving the quicker he could go home. He would have to return for physical therapy and wound care but if all went well he could go home in the morning.

"Those are ugly socks. Can't I wear mine?" Adam pointed to the black duffel bag on for chair, "they're in that bag, my shorts are too. I can wear them and shorts. The doctor said I could."

Brenda grabbed the shorts, "No. That's not what the doctor said. They said you could wear your shorts, but you need to wear those" she pointed to his feet, "they've got gripper things on the bottom, that ya you won't slip and fall."

"I won't slip and fall. I'm not a four year old." He growled in reply. "They're ugly as hell"

"You sure you're not four? Adam, you have to wear them. If you fall it will undo everything the doctors did in surgery this morning. It's not a fashion show Adam, no one cares about your socks."

"I do." Adam rolled his eyes, the hint of a smile filling his face.

Perhaps he could make this work.

As she pulled his shorts up over his hips he tugged on her hand pulling her down to meet his lips, "Thank you." He mumbled against her lips.

Kim couldn't ignore the nervousness she felt in her gut, she couldn't help but think of Adam as she entered the hospital. She knew he had his final surgery in the morning and had yet to hear how it had gone. Shit had jumped off so quickly that neither Kevin or Al had found time to call and check in.

She had resisted the urge to ask Maggie as she passed her on the way in, Kim knew Maggie would go on about HIPPA and how she couldn't talk about Adam's health status but she also knew that Maggie would've pulled up Adam's chart on the main computer and then be ' _called_ ' away.

She really wanted to know, but she knew she needed to put some distance between her and Adam. She had tried her hand at moving on and she had to respect Adam's decision to do the same. She had learned once she moved on from Adam that he was the one for her, she just had to hope that Adam would come to the same conclusion.

"Come on friend." Brenda held the IV pole as Adam slowly made his way through the unit, he had moved at a snail's pace and the discomfort was evident on his face.

"I'm going as fast as I can." He snapped, "I'm not sure you remember this but I had surgery this morning, you know. They literally cut skin off one part of my body and put it somewhere else. It fucking hurts."

"I know baby, I'm sorry." Brenda didn't miss the pained look that flashed across his face when she called him 'baby', she could only hope that with time it would go away. That he wouldn't tense up when she touched him, she hoped that one day she'd hear him utter the words she was so desperate to hear.

' _I love you'._

Three simple words, three words she'd been chasing all her life.

Kim was multitasking as she walked, flipping through various notes and trying to formulate a list of questions for the victims. Out of everyone in intelligence she seemed to get the most from the victims. She was the least intimidating person of them all, not to say she couldn't be an intimidating force because she could. Interviewing victims was a different beast all together and her soft spoken nature and warm smile tended to get more done than the gruffness that was Voight, or the brashness of Halstead or Atwater. Olinsky oozed 'father' from his pores and that usually led to some solid information being disclosed, but when the vic was a young woman it was a bit trickier.

It was draining to listen to such horror stories, and it took a lot out of her. Al had often told her to not allow the case to overwhelm her or suck her in. That she couldn't allow her heart to be bogged down by the stories, if she did it would destroy her. So she did her best to keep her distance, but she knew it was important to feel something, that it would help her to solve a case. That these victims deserved that much, they needed to know she cared.

Her therapist had given her some coping mechanisms, and she had learned what worked for her, she knew she needed to clear her head in between interviews. She decided to take a walk, to shut off for a few minutes in between each one. She stopped near a bench and sat down. She quickly packed her things up and slung the bag over her shoulder and took a deep breath before walking away.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost walked right past them.

Adam's head snapped up, "Kim..hey.." he reached out for Brenda pulling her closer to him, "what's up?"

Kim tried to pull her eyes away from how close Brenda was to him, his hand on her hip, "Work. You okay?" Tears filled her eyes and she was furious with herself for becoming emotional. The last thing she wanted was for them to see her tears, "your surgery go okay?"

Adam nodded his head, "It did. Should get to home tomorrow."

Kim smiled, "That's good."

"It's great, I owe to this one." He turned and smiled at Brenda before quickly dropping a kiss on her lips, "She's an amazing nurse."

"You're too sweet." Brenda replied, "He's a horrible patient..but he's my patient." She was enjoying the look of discomfort on Kim's face, "I'm sure you know all about that though, don't you?"

Kim was taken aback by the entire exchange, she felt as if they were rubbing her nose in her own piss, "I should get going."

"We should get together, once Adam's feeling better. We can have dinner or something. You should bring a date. A double date! It'll be fun." Brenda reached out to touch Kim's arm.

"Sure." Kim stuttered, fun wasn't the word she'd use. In fact a root canal would be more fun than a double date with Adam and Brenda.

"Come on babe." Brenda smiled, she reached up for his face and pulled him into a deep and fiery kiss.

Kim was rooted in place, watching the man she loved as he kissed another woman, it was like a horrific traffic accident. An accident you knew you shouldn't look at because it would haunt you for ages but yet you couldn't look away.


	10. She Has Your Balls In Her Purse

He could have taken a knife to her heart and it would've hurt less, she eventually found her feet and walked away. She glanced over her shoulder at Adam and Brenda who continued to suck face unaware that she had left.

She took cover in a stairwell and felt her knees buckle and she fell in a heap, tears rolled down her cheeks and her entire body trembled. She buried her face in her hands in hopes to muffle the sound of her sobs.

She was heartbroken.

She had also been given a taste of her own medicine and it was bitter.

Kim jumped up when she heard footsteps approaching, she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole when she heard him, "Ma'am, are you okay?" He asked her.

Kim cleared her throat, "Yes. Thank you. Just been a long day. I'm fine." She grabbed her purse, "excuse me." She tried to step around him.

"You don't look okay, you've been crying." He touched her elbow.

"It's nothing. Thank you." She was a bit more assertive this time and stepped around him, "Have a good one."

"You bet. I hope your day gets better."

"Me too" Kim replied on her way out.

Dick.

That was the only word that came to mind.

He was a fucking dick.

Correction two words came to mind, and it still didn't adequately describe the level of self loathing he was currently feeling.

He had done some seriously shitty things in his life but nothing came to close to what had just happened.

The walk back to his room had been agonizing but it wasn't because of his recent surgery, not in the least bit.

He wanted to puke when Brenda slipped her hand in his, he couldn't help but notice the gleam in her eye the second Kim had appeared before them. He had wanted to hurt Kim, wanted her to feel just one tenth of the hurt she had caused him.

He had done that. Kim was clearly hurt by the confrontation and it didn't feel satisfying on any level. He hated that he stood by as Brenda kept piling on, inviting her to dinner with them, then the kiss.

Fuck.

The second she slid her tongue into his mouth he knew it had gone too far but he didn't stop her, he should've stopped her. That wasn't who he was, he didn't play games with people and yet that was exactly what he was doing.

Brenda helped him into the bed, her hand on the small of his back had pulled him from his thoughts, "I'm fine." He waved her off, "I can do it myself." He was clearly agitated.

She sighed, "Why do you let her get to you?" Brenda wasn't an idiot, she had felt Adam's body tense as she kissed him, she could feel the hesitation in his kiss. She had taken an a risk, one that had a great reward but it would be crushing if it failed.

She was starting to see that it had failed.

Brenda knew she was playing with fire when she showed up at the hospital after Adam's seizure, he had made it clear he wanted nothing more from her. She couldn't resist though, and it had worked in her favor. No one else knew about their break up and everyone was concerned for Adam.

She seamlessly slipped back into the picture, she played her role perfectly. She was the terrified girlfriend, and she was scared that wasn't a lie. She was scared at how much she cared about Adam, how much she loved him.

Brenda was grasping at straws and holding on as tight as she could, and it worked. Adam had woken up and things had gone back to how they had been. He never brought up their argument, she was sure he had forgotten all about it. So she went on as if it never happened and it was smooth sailing.

She had Adam.

It wasn't perfect, but she was going to make it work. Brenda wasn't an idiot, she knew he wasn't all in like she was, he was going with the flow. She hoped in time he'd change that he'd fall in love with her. She had gone into this with no expectations, no promises of a serious commitment. That was no longer the case, she had fallen head over heels in love with him.

Then they ran into _her_.

It really shouldn't have surprised her, she was always with them. The elephant in the room if you will, Kim was always present.

It had smacked her in the face though, it was like having a bucket of ice dumped on your head, Adam would never really be her's.

"It's not her. It's me." Adam responded, "It was me. I fucked up, I was wrong. What we did back there was wrong." He had used her to make Kim jealous, it was obvious he had.

"Wrong?" Brenda questioned, "You did to her what she did to you. I don't think that's wrong, I think it's perfect. She deserved it. She's a bitch." She wasn't going to bite her tongue any longer, she could feel him slipping through her fingers. She knew she could lose Adam, that perhaps she already had, she had to fight for him.

"No. Don't call her names, you don't know her. Don't badmouth her" he curled his lip, "Alright? Don't even say her name." He pushed the covers off his legs, "I was pissed. I still am, but that little display was wrong. We shouldn't have done that."

Brenda felt the heat as it tore through her body, her cheeks blood red, "Do What? Kiss? Be happy? Fuck, Adam you could've died. I won't apologize for kissing you. I'm happy you're alive."

"Stop!" He threw his hands up, "Just stop it, okay? It was wrong. I wanted to make her jealous. It was a dick move. She didn't deserve it." He ran his hands over his face, "You don't either. I'm done. I can't keep doing this, I won't do this anymore. It's not fair to you. I can't do this with you, I can't be with you. I can't be with anyone."

"So that's it? We're done?" She asked him, her eyes brimming with tears, "I need you, Adam. I need us. We're good together."

She was pouring salt in a gaping wound, he had never been so disgusted with himself, "No, Brenda. We aren't. You know that. I don't love you, I will never love you. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore." He was over pretending, he was over forcing himself to move on. He didn't love the woman who had been at his side, the woman who had been helping him recover.

He was settling for her. He could never give her what she wanted and he was done pretending.

Brenda grabbed her things from the table, "You're going back to that bitch aren't you? She has your balls in her purse doesn't she? She has too, it's the only explanation for why you keeping going back to her. Why you're willing to die for her."

Adam looked at his hands, "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not going back to Kim." He was pretty sure he had burned that bridge.

"How did she do it?" Brenda asked, absolutely bewildered by the power Kim had over Adam.

"What?"

"Your heart. How did she take hold of your heart?" Brenda wiped the lone tear from her cheek, "After all the ways she's hurt you, she still holds your heart. It's unbelievable."

"I'm sorry." Adam offered, "I'm really sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"Nothing to say." Brenda glanced at him once more, "I know you'll go back to her it's just a matter of time."

Kim had doused her face with ice cold water multiple times and it made no difference her face was a mess. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, her cheeks blotchy she was an absolute mess.

Her only hope was that bullpen was empty and her colleagues were still out in the field, she didn't want to talk to anyone and she definitely didn't want to answer questions about her mood.

Sadly that wasn't the case, she could see Kevin and Jay at their desks heads down diligently working on leads.

Kim took a deep breath and took her seat, ignoring the guys as they worked. Neither seemed to notice her presence and she was thankful for that.

It had been fine and dandy until Kevin had the audacity to speak.

"Yo, Burgess. I didn't hear you come in." Kevin kicked back in his chair a file folder in his hands, it contained the mugshots of possible suspects in the case. They had a general description of a suspect leaving a bar in the wee hours of the morning.

"I am." Kim didn't lift her head to look at him, she had hoped he'd pick up on her body language and move on.

He didn't.

"We've got this description and it's so fucking generic. Half the men in Chicago fit the description. I'm hoping you got something out of the girls." Kevin tossed the file on the desk, "Maybe you could go back and talk to them. We need more to go on."

Kim massaged her temples, "No."

"No? You won't go or no you don't think they'll have anything to add. You can show them some of those" He thumbed over his shoulder at the file on his desk.

"No. Kevin. No I will not call them. No I will not go to the hospital, I spent all day there. If you wanna know, how about you take your dumbass down to the hospital and you ask them yourselves." She angrily tossed her pen in a drawer.

"Woah..someone's pissy." Kevin muttered.

"Fuck you Kevin." Kim's tone was icy and her glare left Kevin unsettled, maybe even a little scared.

She was gone in a flash.

Halstead was clearly perplexed at the exchange, "What the hell just happened?" He wasn't surprised by her display of anger, he knew she had it in her. He had seen her angry, it was always directed at a suspect.

"I don't know." Kevin turned around to face, "her face was kinda puffy, like she'd been crying. Did you see it?"

Jay shrugged, "I did. Definitely looked liked she'd been crying. You should go talk to her, she's pretty angry."

"Me?" Kevin placed his hands on his chest, "No thank you. I like my head where it is thanks. I think she needs to cool off."

Kim was searching the cabinets in the break up, her hands still trembled from the encounter. Not with Kevin, but with Adam and Brenda. Poor Kevin was in the wrong place at the wrong time and had said the wrong thing. Though she was pretty sure it didn't matter what he had said, she was going to blow her top regardless.

She needed coffee.

As she waited for the coffee to brew she was overcome with another wave of sadness, her knees buckled and she dropped down to sit on the floor.

"Fuck." Kevin groaned, "I can't wait. I need to know what's going on. Send help if I don't come out in a few minutes."

"Godspeed Kev" Jay smirked, "It was nice knowing you."

"Hey Burgess.." Kevin crouched in front of her, "I'm sorry." He hated to see her so distraught.

Kim wiped her eyes, "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

Jay took advantage Kevin's absence and took a much needed break, he ran his hand across the back of his neck and groaned when his phone rang.

"Halstead" Jay answered it.

Adam pushed himself up further in the bed, "Hey man. It's me." He'd been on edge since the morning, he had tried to push it from his mind but it was impossible. So he caved and decided to check in with Halstead.

He wanted no part of Atwater in this situation. Kevin had been pretty neutral for the most part, but Adam knew he'd be pissed at him.

Adam didn't blame him, he was pissed with himself.

"Ruz! How's it going? Surgery go okay?"

"Yeah. Fine. I get to go home soon. I'm calling about Kim. Is she okay? I saw her this morning and it was a little ugly. She okay?" Adam rattled on. "Is she at the 21st? Is she working?"

Jay sighed, "Kim's here. She's a mess, Ruz. Bit Atwater's head off and stormed out of the bullpen. She looked like she had been crying." He got up from his desk and stuck his head in the hallway, "Kevin's with her now."

"Fuck" Adam muttered, "I was a dick." He hated that he had made her cry.

"You want me to have Kevin call you when he's done talking to her?" Jay asked.

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose, "No. I'm pretty sure he's not going to like me once Kim tells him what happened. He's gonna want to kick my ass." He sighed, "I gotta go. Keep an eye on Kim for me man. Make sure she's okay."

"Of course. You don't have to ask."

"I don't know why I'm upset." Kim allowed Kevin to pull her up from the floor and they both sat at the table, "I moved on. Twice. I shouldn't be shocked that he moved on. It's a bit hypocritical of me, isn't it? I did the same thing to him."

Kevin ran his finger over a crack in the table, "You did. It sucked too, you broke his heart. It was ugly no doubt, but that shit he pulled this morning? That was just as bad."

"Maybe, but I deserved it." Kim leaned back in the chair, "That smug look on Brenda's face will be forever ingrained in my mind's eye. I want Adam to be happy and if Brenda is the person to do it? Great. I will tell you this, if she hurts Adam I will break her legs. He's been hurt enough."

Kevin liked the fire he saw in Kim's eyes, it was clear she still had feelings for Adam. Strong ones, her hatred of Brenda was proof of that.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were jealous, Burgess" Kevin teased, he reached across the table and grabbed her hand, "It's all going to work out. You'll see."

He pushed his dinner away from him, he was sick to his stomach. He had tried to eat it, only to gag on the first bite. His stomach was still a bit sensitive and it wasn't all that unusual for him to be left without an appetite.

He had hoped to go home in the morning only for the doctor to push it back a few days, he wanted to give it a few more days. He wanted to make sure the graft took before he sent Adam home.

Initially Adam had talked the doctor into the early release date and he was furious when the doctor reneged on the deal.

Adam groaned when he heard the door open, he had already chewed out the night nurse and he was prepared to do it again. He wanted to be left alone, yet they insisted on coming in every hour.

He was surprised to see Brenda at the foot of his bed, "Brenda..."

She held her hand up, "It's my turn to talk. I was stupid to fall in love with you. You'll never love me, I realize that now. You're carrying a torch for that bitch." She folded her arms across her chest, "you'd do anything for her, even give your life for hers" she chuckled, "it's kinda funny to be honest, you'd do all that for her and what does she do in return?"

"You done?" Adam asked her. This was ridiculous. He had no idea why she was at the foot of his bed, he had made himself clear.

He wanted nothing to do with her.

"No." Brenda snapped, "You're an idiot. You're fucking clueless. That bitch doesn't care about you, she's so gullible. It's not even funny."

Adam caught the flicker of regret as it flashed across Brenda's face, she had slipped up. Said more than she had planned on, he sat up in bed "What does that mean? What the fuck did you do?"

"Nothing." She sputtered, "Forget it" She turned to leave.

Adam jumped out of bed as quickly as he could, ignoring the searing pain in his leg as he chased after her, "What did you do?" He seethed, his jaw was clenched and his eyes dark with angry, he grabbed her wrist.

"Fuck it." Brenda spit, "I told her to get out. I told her you hated her. I told that bitch to stay away from you and guess what? She listened. She bought every word of it. It was so fucking easy."

Adam let go of her arm, "Get out! Get the fuck out."

 _ **Sorry for the delay in updating, as the story draws to an end it's becoming increasingly difficult to wrap it up. I'm not all that happy with this chapter and have gone over it more than a dozen times, hopefully it's half way decent to read.**_


	11. A Silver Lining

Was she drowning her sorrows?

Abso-fucking-lutley.

She had decided to allow herself one night to cry, one night to get it all out. She knew she couldn't move on until she allowed herself to feel whatever emotion she had going on at the moment.

It was a mixture of soul wrenching sadness, jealousy, anger, and regret.

Regret was the worst. Kim had Adam. She had him in the palm of her hand and she let him slip through her fingers, she would live the rest of her life with that regret. Every other emotion would fade away over time, she knew it would still hurt but the ache would lessen as time went on.

The regret would hang around forever, it was a noose around her neck, it would be ever present and it would slowly drain the life from her.

Her living room was a mess.

Wadded up tissues filled the coffee table, the empty carton of ice cream and chocolate syrup sat on the end table. She was eyeballs deep in a sappy rom-com movie marathon. It seemed each one was cornier than the last, the couple always reuniting at the end. They'd kiss as the credits rolled and a song from the 80's played in the background.

Yep, Kim Burgess was wallowing in some serious self pity.

Fuck.

That was all he kept muttering as he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, the digital clock on the wall told him it was just after two in the morning. He'd been trying to sleep for well over two hours now and it wasn't happening.

He had so much racing through his head at the moment, flashes of events that had happened prior to his seizure and when he was in the early stages of recovery.

Surgery fucks with your head, it dulls the senses and it makes it hard to focus.

Brenda had unknowingly provided him with a flash of memory or at the very least a dream he had while recovering.

' _I'm so sorry, Adam. For everything'_

It was Kim's voice that kept filling his head, he could still feel her soft lips pressed against his temple.

Was it a dream?

Had she finally shown up and he slept through it?

If he went by what Brenda had said, Kim did in fact visit him.

He needed answers.

She had given up on sleep and had turned to cleaning, her living room was still a bit of a disaster. She was a bit OCD when it came to cleaning and for once she welcomed her obsession. She was able to shut her mind off and focus on cleaning, she ran the vacuum and had polished the furniture. She had taken to reorganizing her book shelves, sorting them by genre and author.

She did the same with her DVD collection, she had always found organizing things to be very cathartic and it had helped to settle her some until she found them.

Every Die Hard movie ever made.

Buried between her vast collection was Adam's contribution to her movie shelf. Early on in their relationship she had confessed that she had never watched them.

" _Get the fuck out!" Adam laughed, "Not even the first one?"_

 _Kim laughed at the bemused look on his face, "Not even the first one. They never caught my attention." Her feet in his lap._

" _One day we will have to binge watch them all. They're fucking amazing Kim, you'll love them."_

It was just a few weeks later when he showed up on her doorstep unannounced. He carried a six pack in one hand and the other held a bag containing copies of each movie.

" _For you. I got you all of the movies." He smiled._

 _Kim stood on her toes and kissed him on the mouth, "Thank you. That was sweet of you to do."_

" _That's me. Sweet." Adam had already put the first one on, "Get comfy and prepare to have your life changed for the better. You'll thank me and wonder how you ever survived without a little Die Hard in your life."_

" _I'm counting on it." Kim teased._

They hadn't been together long, their relationship was still kept under wraps, but It was without a doubt one of her favorite memories of her and Adam. They spent hours watching the movies, laughing and talking with each other. They had eaten a shit ton of popcorn that night, and dumped a shit ton more on the floor during wild sex. Kim had found popcorn scattered throughout her living room for weeks.

Now as she held the movies close to her heart she lost it again, tears tumbled from her eyes with ferocity, her heart ached as she sobbed.

Adam was getting antsy, the nurse had left twenty minutes ago with the promise of finding a doctor. She claimed it wouldn't be easy that most of the doctors would be sleeping.

He knew it was a stall tactic, he had used a similar technique numerous times. He was done, he was leaving with or without the doctor's permission.

Adam yanked the fluids line from his IV, leaving just the IV catheter in his arm completely ignoring the blood as it trickled down his arm from the uncapped IV. He grabbed his sweats from the chair and carefully stepped into them, his thigh screaming in protest.

He grabbed his hoodie and was out the door.

 _Knock, knock, knock_

It was surreal, Kim unconsciously rolled on her side ignoring it.

 _KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

It grew in intensity, Kim slowly opened her eyes. It was still dark and the pounding ramped up another notch. Kim felt her heart accelerate, she grabbed her service weapon from the safe.

Adam rested his head on the door, he was past the point of exhaustion. He had made a serious miscalculation and was struggling to stay up right. He had walked for nearly forty minutes, under different circumstances it was a walk in the park.

In his current physical condition, it was a Herculean task. He wasn't that far removed from two surgeries, one being a major surgery. He had suffered some muscle atrophy and was still recovering from the skin graft surgery the pervious day. He never should've left the hospital, the blood was now pouring from the IV that remained in his arm.

His skin was covered in goosebumps and slick with sweat, he was freezing. His entire body shook with chills, he raised his open palm up and slapped it against the door. He lacked the energy to knock properly.

Kim stood on her toes to look through the peephole, her eyes growing large when she realized who was on the other side.

She yanked the door open, causing Adam to nearly topple over "Adam" she caught him before he could fall over, "My god, Adam. You're soaked. What's going on? Shit! You're bleeding." His grey sweatshirt was stained red with his blood, she struggled with his weight against her.

"Tired.." Adam mumbled when Kim led him to the couch, he fell into the couch, "walked."

Kim helped move his legs on to the couch, "Walked? You walked here?" She untied his sneakers and tossed them on the floor. She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, "Where's Brenda?" It hurt to ask him that, "why aren't you with her? Or better yet in the hospital?" She pushed his sleeve up, "You left, didn't you? Shit."

The fact that he had left the hospital wasn't all that surprising, Adam was an awful patient. The fact that he had walked to her house was what had surprised her.

"Had to" Adam felt his eyes begin to flutter closed, everything hurt. "Sleep."

Kim jumped up, "No, sir." She jostled him a bit, "You need to stay awake and talk to me. I'm scared for you." She could see the blood as it seeped through his pants, "your leg is bleeding. You're burning up." She grabbed her phone, "I'm calling an ambulance..."

Adam mustered up the energy to grab her phone from her hand, "No. I need to tell you...I need to say sorry."

"No you don't. It's fine, Adam. You moved on, I get it." She grabbed her phone once more.

"No! I didn't." Adam was growing frustrated, his senses were dulled and his tongue felt thick, nothing he said sounded right. "No ambulance. Drive. You take me."

Kim sighed heavily, "I don't know if I can get you to my car. You can't walk that well."

Adam pushed himself up, "Yes. I can. No ambulance." He was shoeless and Kim didn't think she'd be able to get his shoes back on. Shoes or the lack thereof were the least of her concerns.

Somehow Kim had managed to get Adam into her car, the ride down in the elevator had been an adventure , he was barely conscious and he nearly fell over a dozen times. Kim ended up having to place him between her body and the wall of the elevator.

Once he was outside he had vomited a handful of times, his body was clearly protesting his decision to leave the hospital. As soon as he was in the car he started to drift in and out of it.

He rambled on and off, most of it was incoherent.

Most of it.

His profession of love was crystal clear.

'I love you, Kim. Always have..always will'

She was still trying to process it, she had learned in a psych class in college that when a person was in the condition Adam was in and they seemed to be delusional and disoriented they spoke the truth. That once their inhibitions were dropped, they tended to bare their soul, admit the truths they'd like to keep buried.

It had rattled her.

She had parked in the fire zone and grabbed the first staff member she spotted and watched as they loaded Adam on a gurney.

That was nearly an hour ago and she was still waiting to hear an update. She had watched the sun rise on a new day.

A new day, filled with hope.

Adam had to be okay.

They had so much to talk about.

When the waiting had become too much she called Kevin.

The second his phone rang and he heard her garbles sobs he was up out the door in a flash, he had no idea what was wrong but he knew he needed to get to Kim.

Kevin raced through the doors, "Burgess..Hey" he found her hunched over in the waiting room, her eyes bloodshot and puff, "What the hell?" He grabbed both of her arms in his hands. When she called he couldn't make sense of what she was saying, she just begged him to come to the hospital.

"Adam. It's Adam. He walked to my apartment. Now he's back there and I don't know if he's okay." She was gasping for air, her hands flailed wildly in front of her face.

"Walked? From where?" Kevin had a thousand different things race through his head on the ride over but that wasn't one of them. The man had been seriously injured and had two recent surgeries he wasn't fit to be walking the halls for too long, walking to her apartment was perhaps the stupidest thing he had ever done. Adam Ruzek had done a lot of stupid things, but this took the cake.

"Here" Kim snapped, clearly frustrated with Kevin, "From here. He still had an IV in, he was soaked with sweat. He nearly collapsed when I opened the door, his leg was bleeding. He vomited, he's sick." Kim finally took a breath, "I'm scared." She didn't dare tell him how Adam had professed his love for her. She wasn't quite ready to deal with that nugget yet.

Kevin held his arms wide for her, "Come here, Burgess. I got you. Adam'll be okay."

She hung on to Kevin as tightly as she could, she felt as if everything was falling apart around her. She needed Adam to be okay, they had so much they needed to talk about.

She couldn't lose him, not again. She wasn't going to let him slip through her fingers again.

"That..what you did? It was stupid and reckless." The doctor scolded Adam, "I don't think I have ever been so angry with a patient before." He pulled the covers back over Adam's leg. He had assessed the graft and despite the bleeding and some minor issues it was still intact, "You're here for at least two more days. You're going to stay put, the only time you're out if that bad is for tests or physical therapy, is that understood?"

Adam nodded, "Understood." He had come around a bit once they started pushing fluids through his IV and started him on another round of antibiotics he had also been given pain meds. He was anxious for the doctor to leave, "I'm sorry, I needed to see someone. I couldn't put it off."

The doctor went to the table beside Adam's bed, "This here." He held the phone up, "it's a telephone. Try using that next time. You could've come back here in a body bag, Son. Any number of things could've happened." He was clearly disgusted with his patient, "I hope this person you had to see was worth it." He headed for the door, "Take it easy on your nurses. You've done enough damage with your disappearance."

Adam knew there was nothing he could say that would justify his behavior, no one would truly understand why had to do what he did. They just didn't get it and he wasn't going to try. He knew that sometimes you'd have to ask for forgiveness instead of permission.

He nodded his head as the doctor glared at him, "Thank you." Was all he had to offer, he knew he was on the shit list of everyone employed by the hospital.

It was a small price to pay.

Kim was finally settling down, she clutched a tissue tightly in her hand, "You called his dad, right?"

Kevin nodded, "He should be here soon. You okay?"

Kim wiped her eyes and stood up and returned to pacing, "I will be, once I know Adam is okay. Do you have any idea on why he needed to see me..why it couldn't wait?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "No telling. You know Adam though, he's impulsive and reckless. No one knows what goes on in that man's head" he tapped his index finger against his temple to emphasize his point, "I don't think I wanna know either."

"I'd like to know." Kim admitted, "I'm so fucking confused it's not even funny." She knew she was feeling exactly how Adam had felt when she obliterated their relationship and it wasn't pretty.

"Seems you two have a lot to discuss. It's high-time you two talked. Figure out how it all went to shit." Kevin hoped they could fix whatever had gone wrong, and perhaps there'd be a silver lining amongst all the chaos.

Bob Ruzek burst through the doors looking more than a bit harried, he was still in his patrol uniform "Kevin! Where's my boy?"

Kevin met him halfway, "Upstairs. The third floor, room 317. Go see him. Doctor hasn't come down yet."

Kim had kept her distance, sadly she didn't know Bob all that well and she was certain he didn't hold her in high regard. She never understood why Adam had kept his father at arms length. She had suggested having him over for dinner numerous times, even asked to take him out for his birthday just after their engagement. Adam always came up with an excuse of some sort to keep it from happening. Nine times out of ten Adam claimed he was working over time and it soon began to eat away at her.

Once Bob was in the elevator, Kim returned to Kevin's side, "Is he okay?"

Kevin threw his arm around Kim's shoulder, "He's alright. Worried about Adam, but he's holding it together.

Bob was grateful for the empty elevator and the quiet hallways, he had held it together on the drive over and while talking with Kevin but he had lost it the second the doors to the elevator slid closed. He had noticed the blood on Kim's short sleeve, and the panic in her eyes, it had scared him.

The last few weeks had been hell on earth.

As he approached Adam's room he slowed his pace and tried to steady his breathing, he peeked in the small window and felt the weight lift off his shoulders as soon as he laid eyes on his seemingly sleeping son.

Adam groaned when the door opened and he heard that all too familiar sigh followed by a few unintelligible grunts. It had been about a decade since he last heard it, he knew instantly his father was in the room and he was pissed.

"Pops, it's no big deal." Adam mumbled his eyes still closed, "They shouldn't have called you, I'm fine."

Bob sucked his teeth in disgust, "Fine? You're far from fucking fine Adam. What the hell is wrong with you?" He hissed, his hands gripping the rails on the bed, "What the fuck, Son"

Adam ran his hand through his hair, "I'm fine. Just a fever. They've got me on the good stuff. I'll be out before the end of the week."

"I'm glad you're fine." Bob pushed his hands off the bed rails and went to the window, he looked out on to the city as it sprung to life. Rush hour was in full swing, as crazy as the city of Chicago could get Bob Ruzek loved it. He placed his palms on the window sill and kept his back turned to Adam, "I get a call from Atwater. He had no idea what was going on, just that you were here. Something about walking to Kim's place. What the hell? You could've died, Son. Don't you get that? Anything could've happened to you.." He couldn't disguise the crack in his voice, he felt his shoulders sag, "You could've died, Adam. That would kill me.."

"I didn't Pops. I'm fine. Turn around and look at me dad. I'm perfectly fine." Adam rarely referred to his father as ' _dad_ ', in fact he was pretty sure the last time he had called him dad he was about ten. He and his father had more than their fair share of issues, Bob was in and out of his life and Adam took to calling him Pops. In Adam's infinite wisdom he decided if his father couldn't be bothered with him, there was no way in hell he'd call him dad, that was a label reserved for someone who actually cared about him.

So Pops it was.

Adam could see it in his father's eyes, they were tear filled and it was then Adam realized just how scared he was.

"I'm glad you're okay Adam." Bob returned to his bedside and leaned down to hug Adam, "I love you so much, I was never the best father to you. You deserved better, Adam. I want to do better."

Adam fought to contain his own tears, "I love you too. We will figure this out, dad. I'm gonna be fine."

Bob pulled out of the hug and folded his arms across his chest, "I'm glad you're fine." He moved his hands to his hips and pursed his lips, "I could kill you myself Adam."

Before Adam could utter a single syllable his father reached up and smacked him upside the head, "Fuck Pops. What the hell? That hurt." Adam grimaced as he brought his hand to his head.

"It was supposed to hurt dipshit." Bob laughed, "You may be a grown ass man, but you're still my boy and a slap upside the head is the least of what you deserve."

"I guess I had that coming huh?"

"That and then some. Listen you look exhausted and I know Kevin is anxious to see you. I'm gonna head out, I'll send Kevin up. Don't let him stay long, you need to get some sleep." Bob kissed his forehead, "Your ass better stay put until the doctors think you're ready to leave."

"Understood. I'll be a good boy." Adam smirked, "I love you, dad." Calling him dad felt a bit funny, but he had never felt quite so close to his dad as he did right now.

"That boy.." Bob huffed shaking his head in disgust, "Anyway, he's okay. He's running a fever and he's pretty spent but beyond that he's okay. The graft seems to be okay despite the bleeding, he's lucky." Bob explained, "I'm sure you're anxious to see him, so head on up. Not sure how much longer he will be okay, they've got him on pain meds."

"Thanks, Pops." Kevin hugged him, "Come on Burgess." He beckoned her with his hand, "Come on." He wasn't going to let her back out, she had mentioned not going up to see him, that she felt ' _out of place_ ' which left him wanting to throttle her. Did she forget that the man left the hospital and walked miles to see her? Surely she wasn't that dense.

She was anything but out of place.

"Okay." Kim nodded.

Bob grabbed her hand as she went to pass him, "Hold on. Can I talk to you? Alone?"

Kevin eyed him suspiciously, "Pops?"

Bob waved his hand around, "Nothing like that, Kevin. Just five maybe ten minutes tops, then Kim can head up. Please, Kim. Just a few minutes of your time. That's it. I swear."

Kim looked to Bob and then Kevin before responding, "Go on Kev. I'm okay."

"You sure?"

Kim rolled her eyes, "Yes Kevin. I'm sure. Go on and see Adam."

Well, wasn't this awkward.

Kim rocked on the balls of her feet, she was filled with nervous energy. She had little contact with Bob when she was dating Adam, she'd seen him passing. They had a few short conversations on the phone and had run into each other at a crime scene or two and even had bumped into each other at Molly's.

"So..." Kim muttered, the awkward silence was rough. She hated it, she always felt like she needed to say something. Silence wasn't something Kim was good at, and if it was even the slightest bit uncomfortable she'd start rambling.

"I'm going to cut to the chase, Kim. I won't mince words." Bob started, he stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep her from seeing them tremble. Bob Ruzek didn't talk about his feelings, and he was certainly feeling a lot at the moment. "I don't know what Adam has told you about me and his mother. If I know my son, he probably never said much if anything at all. I want you to talk to him, really talk to him. He left his hospital room in the dead of night to see you. I don't know why he did it. Why he risked his life to see you..but he does. Adam will clam up and bury whatever he's feeling if you let him. I allowed him to do it all his life. In fact I probably taught him how to do it. If you do nothing else, please hear him out. I don't know what happened between you two but something tells me he's not ready to let you go."

"What about Brenda?" Kim asked.

"Forget her. Adam used her to scratch an itch, probably something else learned from me." Bob was embarrassed, "Kim, promise me you'll listen to my son. That you'll talk to him, that's all I ask. Just talk to him, hear him out."

Kim grabbed his hand, "I will. I promise. We've got a lot to talk about, but my first concern is making sure Adam recovers. Once he's better we will talk, I promise you that."

"Good." Bob smiled, "Head on up, I'm sure my boy would rather look at your pretty face instead of Kevin's ugly mug" he chuckled, "I'd like to get to know you better, I'm not sure if I'm overstepping here..honestly I don't care if I am. Something tells me that things between you and my son aren't over."

"I don't know..."

Bob cut her off, "I do. Go upstairs and see Adam. Tell him I will stop by later. Keep his ass in that bed, no more late night walks."

Kim laughed, "Absolutely. Adam is staying put."

"Where is she?" Adam asked, he could feel his eyes growing heavy and it was a serious struggle to stay awake. He couldn't let her leave, not yet. He had to see her, he needed to talk to her.

"She's downstairs. Talking to your old man." Kevin continued flipping through a gossip magazine that had been left in the room, "What the hell were you thinking man?"

"Don't you start." Adam shifted in bed, "Go get her."

Kim knocked lightly on the door as she pushed it open, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, please do. I don't think I can stand his whining." Kevin teased as he jumped up, "I gotta take a leak...you good Burgess?"

"Of course. Go on. How's the patient?" Kim stood at the foot of Adam's bed, he looked a thousand times better then he had when he showed up on her doorstep.

"He's a pain in the ass as usual." Kevin hugged her, "Call me if you need anything or if he needs his ass kicked."

Kim laughed as Adam groaned, "Thanks Kevin."

"So..." Kim dropped into the chair beside his bed, "You're okay? No pain?"

Adam rubbed his eyes, "Little bit. I'm on some good stuff though." He shivered a bit, his fever had yet to break and the chills had hit him pretty hard.

Instantly Kim was up and out of her chair, she pulled the blankets up and covered Adam, "Sleep, Adam. You're exhausted."

"Don't leave.."

Kim sighed, "Adam..."

"Please don't leave me. I'm begging you Kim. We need to talk but my head..it's fuzzy. Don't go.."

Kim could see his heart rate begin to climb, she placed her hand on his cheek, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise. Go to sleep, I will be here when you wake up." She stroked his cheek, relishing the feel of his rough stubble against her soft palm.

She had missed this man.

She missed the person she was when she was with him.

"Thank you.." Adam mumbled, his eyes fluttering closed.

Within seconds he was out cold, Kim stood on her toes and placed a light kiss on his forehead, "Sleep well baby, I'm here." She took his hand in her's, "I'm not going anywhere..I love you."


	12. Good Boy

Kim walked at Adam's side, her hand on the small of his back they made their way down the long hallway to his apartment. He was still a bit unsteady, and judging by the ever present scowl on his face he was still in pain.

"I can do it, Kim." Adam snapped, "Sorry." Accepting help from someone had never been his strong suit. He could see the look of hurt flit across her face, "I'm a dick, sorry. I just.."

"I know." Kim cut him off, "You don't like asking for help, but you need it Adam. You're winded, and I can tell you're in pain." She stood to the side as he fumbled with his keys.

"It's frustrating." Adam pushed the door open and shuffled his way inside, "I hate this. I hate needing help all the time, I'm a grown ass man and I can't take a piss without assistance."

Kim dropped his bag on the kitchen table, "Adam you were shot. You had multiple surgeries and have just recovered from being sick. It's gonna take sometime." She had ducked into the kitchen, rummaging through the pantry, "Your pantry is bare, I assume the fridge isn't much better"

"I eat out a lot. Never needed to keep a lot of food on hand" Adam was sitting with his legs on the coffee table, "I can order some Chinese or something, it's fine."

Kim checked the time, "No its not fine. You need to eat real food not crap, it will help with your recovery. I'm sure your prescriptions are almost ready for pick up, I'm going to do that and stop at the grocery store. You should try and get some sleep."

"You don't have to do that Kim, I'm sure my father will be here soon and he can grab them on his way over." Adam grabbed the remote, "I appreciate you driving me here, but you've done enough."

"I beg to differ." Kim replied, "Let me do this for you, okay?" She grabbed the television remote and his cell phone and set them on the end table, "Stay on this couch and call me if you need anything."

"Thank you."

"Stay put and rest Adam. I mean it." Kim had slipped into the role of caregiver with ease, it was a very familiar role for her.

"Understood. Won't move from this spot." He smiled at her.

"Good boy." Kim replied on her way out.

Very few people enjoyed grocery shopping as much as Kim did, she enjoyed the escape it provided she'd throw on some music and kept her head down. It was an escape from the real world. She grabbed her earbuds from her purse and pulled up one of her favorite playlists and go to it.

Whole Foods had just recently opened and she was in heaven, she was a serious foodie and she enjoyed scouring the aisles. She could spend hours in the store if she wasn't careful, she knew she needed to get back to Adam so she made sure to stay focused.

Adam was the pickiest eater she had ever encountered and trying to get something even halfway healthy in him took an act of god. If Adam had it his way he'd live on frozen pizza and beer, with the occasional carton of ice cream tossed in.

She went about grabbing the staples of any pantry, a couple of steaks, some chicken and ground beef. She had selected a few boxes of pasta and some jar sauce, she had also picked up some lunch meat from the deli counter and a loaf of fresh baked bread.

Adam was still on some significant pain medicine, so she avoided the beer and went with Powerade and bottled water instead, she could already hear him whining in her head.

She scanned the contents of the wagon and realized she had forgot to grab a package of cookies, those weren't for Adam.

Those were her guilty pleasure. She'd could devour an entire package over the course of a day, she only bought them every month or so and would bust her ass at the gym to make up for the indiscretion.

Adam shifted on the couch, he was exhausted and uncomfortable the pain pill he had taken before being discharged was starting to wear off. He tried to focus on breathing and ignoring the throbbing pain. He turned the television off and tossed the remote on the table.

He closed his eyes and started counting, one of the nurses had told him to count when the pain became too much to bare. That he needed to close his eyes and take deep breaths and count. That if he could focus on counting the pain wouldn't be as bad, at first he balked at the idea but after having done it a few times it worked. It wasn't so much that the pain was lessened or went away, it was that fact that he was no longer focusing on the pain.

The mind was a powerful weapon when used correctly and it had worked like a charm again as he felt his eyes grow heavy and he drifted off to sleep.

Kim was focusing on her phone when she nearly crashed into another customer, "I'm sorry" Kim apologized quickly, when she finally looked up from her phone she gasped a bit, "Brenda..."

"You really should watch where you're going" Brenda snarked, "Excuse me." She piloted her wagon around Kim's, bumping into her in the process, "Oops.." the action was calculated, she thoroughly enjoyed pushing Kim's buttons.

Kim chewed on the inside of her cheek, "I bet" she shot back, "I'd say it was nice seeing you again..." the sarcasm was dripping from her words.

"Just stop." Brenda rolled her eyes, "You may have fooled everyone else but not me, and not Adam. He's told me all about you and what a bitch you are. You like to play innocent and sweet but we both know that's a lie. You're nothing but a two-bit whore, those were Adam's words, he told me everything you know that right? How you hooked up with your partner, how you shot that poor unarmed kid. He's paralyzed now, isn't he?"

Kim took a deep breath. She wasn't going to allow herself to be baited into an argument with her, "Good bye" she turned around and headed for the registers. She refused to get into it with her and more than anything she refused to cry in front of her. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and fought to keep the tears at bay.

As soon as she was in her car, the floodgates opened. She was furious and it often led to tears, she hated it. She wore her heart on her sleeve and it was hard to keep her emotions on an even keel and many mistook her tears to mean her feelings had been hurt maybe even that she was weak.

It wasn't the case, not even close.

She was livid and while most people would go off on the person, Kim didn't. She'd shed a few angry tears and move on.

Adam caught a whiff of what he presumed to be tacos, he rubbed his hands over his face was surprised to see that three hours had passed. He had fallen hard and fast asleep. He moved at a snails pace as he started to gather his bearings.

He leaned on the door frame for a minute or two watching as Kim prepared a salad, "Hi" he moved to sit at the table, "You didn't wake me up."

"You needed to sleep." She washed her hands, "I made dinner." She grabbed a plate from the cabinet and filled it with two tacos, "Eat." Her voice was curt.

Adam could feel the tension as it radiated off of her, "You didn't need to make dinner."

"I know."

"Are you okay?" Adam asked as he added toppings to his tacos.

"Fine." Kim put the last of the dirty utensils in the dishwasher.

"You don't seem fine. You're hands are trembling. Why?"

Kim hid them behind her back, even three hours later she was still fuming, "Doesn't matter. Just eat."

"Okay.." Adam shrugged knowing full well that if something was in fact bothering her, she'd never tell him.

Communication had never been their strong suit and it ultimately what ended their relationship.

He inhaled the tacos Kim had placed in front of him and was now watching as Kim continued to clean up, her body was rigid. She was slamming things around as she worked, the cabinet doors, the dishwasher door. If it could be slammed she slammed it.

Adam gingerly stood up and placed his plate on the counter, "Don't leave that there." Kim scolded him, "you could at least put it in the sink. That's not too hard is it?"

Fuck the level of snark was intense, "Kim..I don't think you're okay." Adam was confused.

"I'm fine." Kim retorted.

"Sure you are.." Adam mumbled under his breath, he had thought he had kept his voice down to a whisper but the way Kim spun on her heels proved otherwise.

"What did you just say?" She leered at him.

"Nothing, it was nothing." Adam lacked the energy to go toe to toe with her, and he had the sinking suspicion that if he uttered another syllable they would end up in a screaming match.

"Bullshit" Kim replied.

Okay, it was clear that he wasn't going to get off easy. "You're pissed and I want to know why."

Kim sighed heavily, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Of course not..." Adam moved from the kitchen table to the living room.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kim followed him into the living room sitting on the arm of the chair as he lay on the couch.

Adam rested his hands on the top of his head, "Are we really doing this right now? Fuck..I'm exhausted."

Kim went and grabbed her purse, "You are infuriating some days."

Adam couldn't stifle the laugh, though he found nothing funny about the exchange, "Of course..it's always me. Isn't it? I'm the fuck up, right? I'm the one who needs to grow up..am I right?"

Kim paused in front of the door, "Don't even..."

Adam jumped up from the couch, the adrenaline flowing through his veins had overtaken the pain he'd been feeling in his leg, "Don't what? Don't call you out? It's the truth..isn't it? It's what you told everyone and their fucking brother? Everyone but me!" He unleashed on her, "I gave you everything, Kim! I gave you my fucking heart and you stomped on it..time and time again."

"I'm a two bit whore..." Kim blurted out, it surprised her and Adam both, "It's what you called me..isn't it? A fucking two bit whore, that wasn't it though was it? You've said plenty about me..haven't you?"

"What?" Adam furrowed his brow, "What?"

"Did I fucking stutter?" Kim asked him. "Just tell me this...did you say that? Did you call me that?" Her bottom lip quivered as her voice cracked.

Adam felt it in his gut, "Who told you?"

"So it's true. You said it." Kim was devastated. "It doesn't matter who told me.."

"Yes it does." Adam replied and he knew who had told her, "I was angry. I regretted it the second I said it. I didn't mean it."

"You told Brenda. She couldn't wait to tell me"

"When?"

"When..what?" Kim asked, tears welling her eyes.

"Did she tell you?" Adam knew it was Brenda, even before Kim has said it. He had quickly discovered that Brenda was vindictive and a bitch but she had scratched an itch for him and he had ignored that side of her. She was simply a means to an end.

"Earlier today. I ran into her at the grocery store, she couldn't wait to tell me. She went on and on about how you hate me. How you called me that..I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole." She flicked away a few tears, "You've got no idea how much that hurt."

"I'm pretty sure I do." He went back at her, how she could even think that she hadn't hurt him was baffling. Adam reached out to touch her only for Kim to yank her hand away, "Come sit down. We need to talk, please Kim."

"I'm not sure there's anything left to say." Kim replied.

"I am. I've got a lot to say." Adam pointed to the couch, "Sit down, please?"

 _ **Alright, I'm sorry for the delay but this chapter hasn't been easy to finish. In fact I had thrown out the very first version of this chapter and started on another version only to toss it about halfway through.**_

 _ **I feel like this is a solid chapter and hopefully you all will as well, again I'm sorry for the delay in updating and I'm hoping the next update won't take as long.**_


	13. Locked and Loaded

Kim took the box of tissues Adam offered her, "Thank you."

Adam offered a tight smile, "Sure." He sat on the couch opposite her, "I think we need to talk. It's long overdue. When you left to go to the store we were good, you came back and you were pissed."

Kim nodded her head, "I was..I am. I ran into Brenda. It wasn't a pleasant experience she couldn't wait to tell me all of the ugly things you had said about me, and it wasn't the first time either." She hinted at the night she had visited him.

Adam sighed, he wasn't proud of himself "I'm sorry."

"Me too." Kim looked up at him, "We hurt each other. Really hurt each other and I hate it." She knew she had been the one who started it all, it was a bit like an avalanche and neither one of them could stop it. "Do you think we can fix it?"

Adam tilted his head skyward, "I sure as hell hope so. I know I've been a dick as of late. I'm not proud of it..I was hurt. I still am."

Kim could hear it in his voice, "I know, Adam. I don't think I realized how deeply I had hurt you until I saw you with her."

He was shocked, "I know all too well how that feels. It fucking sucks. I'd rather be kicked in the nuts over and over again then see you with someone else." He told her, "You didn't seem to care though..did you? You and Roman. The two of you didn't give a fuck about me. You did the same with that Miller guy..though it didn't hurt nearly as much."

"I'm sorry." Kim whispered, she didn't think she'd ever stop saying it, "I was wrong. About so many things, I've been in counseling. It was because of the attack on the district but I've talked about more than that with my therapist. I told her about us and what happened between us."

"Yet someone else who knows more than I ever did" he laughed softly, "it's funny..not comical funny but ironic I guess you could call it. You talked to everyone about our break up but me. You never gave me a chance to fix it...whatever it was.."

"I know, I should've talked to you." Kim interjected, "I should've done a lot of things."

Adam reached across and touched her knee, "We both messed up. The last thing I want to do is rehash all of that, it won't change a damn thing. We both made mistakes."

"Brenda..do you love her? Adam.." she paused searching for the courage to say the words, the courage to let him go if she had to, "I need to know."

"No." He told her, "I don't love her. I used her. I'm not proud of it, she was convenient."

"She loves you." Kim told him, "She took great joy in telling me the names you called me. She couldn't wait to tell me. I tried to visit you, just after your first surgery and she threw me out. Told me that you hated me, that it was my fault you had been shot. I couldn't argue with her. It was the truth."

"She was wrong. It wasn't your fault and I never hated you..I could never hate you. That was the problem. I did say those things, I hate that I said them. I hate that she told you about that she shouldn't have." Adam explained, "I was getting drunk a lot when I first met her, we hooked up a few times. She kept coming around, It was a convenient arrangement."

"You talked to her about me?" Kim asked.

"Yeah. I did." He frowned, "I wasn't in a good place when I first met her, I was an ass. In more ways then one and I did some shitty things. I wanted to hurt you..the same way you had hurt me. I used Brenda to do it."

Kim let his words sink in before she spoke again, "Why'd you do it?"

"I wanted to hurt you.." he looked at his palms, "I wanted you to be miserable." He told her, "I wanted you to think I had moved on, that I was over you."

"No." Kim shook her head, "Why did you save me that night? You defied orders and nearly died..you shouldn't have done that. Not after the way I treated you."

Adam watched as she got up and walked across the room, she kept her back to him as she looked out the window, "You don't know? Kim, I had to do it. It was instinctual, like breathing." He moved to stand behind her, "You're the reason my heart beats, you're the reason I'm able to get up everyday and face the world. You're my reason for living...you make this life bearable even though we weren't together and barely talking at that point. You made this world..my world better." He took a chance and placed his hands on her hips, "I had to do it, I wanted to do it."

Kim turned around to face him, she grabbed his face wiping away the tears that had fallen from his eyes, "I'm so sorry.." she ran her thumbs over his cheekbones, "I'm so sorry..."

Adam shook his head, "Stop." He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ears, "Just Stop. It's over. It's done. I don't want to keep talking about it. I want to move on."

"Me too." Kim choked out, "but not away from you, I want you Adam. I want us. I want us to try again. I want us to get it right."

Adam pulled her against his chest, tucking her head into the crook of his neck, "I want that too..It's all I ever wanted."

They stood like that for what felt like an eternity.

Wrapped in each other's arms.

Kim was the first to speak, "That day I ran into you at the hospital, you and Brenda..that was unbearable to witness, the way you held her." Kim shudder at the thought.

"I was angry." Adam sat on the back of the couch, "You couldn't be bothered to visit me..after everything I had done..you couldn't be bothered to visit."

Kim waved her hands, "No. I did visit. Right after your first surgery, I visited. I was with you for a few minutes, you were in and out of it. I wasn't in the room ten minutes when Brenda returned and kicked me at. She was nasty and told me to leave."

Adam cocked his head to the side, "She never told me." He picked at a thread on the couch, "I had this foggy memory of you..I was confused. Thought I was dreaming." He looked up at her, "I wasn't dreaming though was I? You were there?"

"Yes. Of course I was. Adam, you saved my life, I had to see you. I also had to respect her wishes. She was your girlfriend. I had to respect that."

Adam got up and moved to sit beside her, "I broke up with her the morning I had the seizure, and I ended up so sick. I had no memory of before that day and she came back. She helped me recover..I just went with it. I figured she was better than nothing." He explained, "Then I started having these flashes...like fragments of memories. They didn't make sense, they were jumbled but they started to come together and then Brenda slipped up, hinted that you had visited. It all made sense, she admitted it. I told her to get out.."

"The night you stupidly walked to my place?" Kim asked.

"Yes. That night. I had to talk to you."

"You should've called me, Adam."

"I didn't know if you'd answer, I wanted to see you. Needed to see you." Adam explained, "I needed you to know she lied and that I didn't hate you."

"I get it. It was stupid though Adam. You were so sick when you got here, I was terrified. You were delirious at one point." She told him, "rambling..most of it didn't make sense..it was gibberish."

"Not all of it." Adam grabbed her hands, "I know what I said that night.."

"Adam.." Kim moved to speak, only for Adam to press his finger against her lips, effectively silencing her.

"I told you..." his voice was throaty, "that I loved you..always will and always have. That's the truth Kim. I love you." Adam wasn't the least bit surprised when Kim moved to straddle his lap, her lips devouring his. Their kiss was filled with urgency and fire, she grabbed the back of his head and pulled him even closer to her.

"Wait..." Adam somehow managed to break free of her hold, his hands on her hips trying to keep her still, despite his efforts she continued to grind herself against him, "Kim..."

"Shh...Adam..I want you." Kim mumbled against his lips, "I need you..." she pushed herself down further into his lap, it was abundantly clear that he was ready to go, "I want you...you want it too, I can feel it.."

"There's nothing more I want..." Adam groaned, he pulled her shirt over her head, "I want you so bad right now, so fucking bad."

Kim tugged at his shorts, yanking them down over his hips. She stopped suddenly when she felt her hand brush against his scar, she stood up, "Sorry.." she grabbed her shirt from the floor and slipped it on, "We can't do this...you're still recovering..."

Adam pointed his crotch, "I'm locked and loaded.." He grabbed her wrist, "I'm fine...I want this, I want us. I need this. I need you."

"You're still hurting."

"Yeah...from blue balls." Adam smirked, he stood up and grabbed her, "Baby, I wanna fuck you.." He kissed her neck as his fingers slipped inside the waistband of her jeans, "I need you.."

Kim yanked her shirt over her head, "Shut up Adam..." she pulled him to the couch, "sit down, Adam. Let me love you..."

Adam propped himself up on his elbow, watching Kim as she slept. It had been an amazing night, and while they may have moved a bit too fast it had been glorious. He ran his fingers lightly over her back, tracing every dip and curve. He knew her body like the back of his hand, he loved every inch of her and she was his home.

She had the power to cure whatever ailed him. He finally felt whole again, his broken heart repaired.

Kim purred as his fingers caused goosebumps wherever he touched, "Good morning..."

Adam dipped his head and kissed her between her shoulder blades, "Great morning.."

"Indeed." Kim rolled over on her back, "It was better than I had dreamed.." she pulled his face down to meet hers, "You're not in pain right? We got a little carried away last night.." she blushed at the memory of it.

"No pain, darlin'. No pain at all. Last night was...fucking amazing." Adam dropped his head back on the pillow, "Better than you dreamed, eh?"

Kim kissed his bare chest, "Yes. God yes."

Adam smirked, "Good to know you dream about me."

"Every night, Adam. Every night." Kim admitted, "I love you Adam. So very much, I have never loved anyone the way I love you. No one has ever loved me as much as you have. I can't lose you again, I refuse to lose you. You're it for me."

Adam kissed the crown of her head, "You've got me. You've always had me. Kim, we both messed up. Made mistakes. That's in the past though, we need to leave it there. Okay? We can't keep looking back if we want to go forward."

"We can't ignore it though. I don't want to make the same mistakes Adam, I don't want to go through that again, I can't live without you."

"You won't." Adam replied, "We will talk about things, we won't let things get too big..if something comes up we will handle it together. Just you and me. We can do this Kim, I've got faith in us."

"Alright.." Adam pushed back from the table, they finally crawled out of bed their need for food had finally become too much to ignore, "How're we gonna handle this?"

Kim popped a grape into her mouth, "What?"

"Us. Me and you. Being back together. People are gonna have questions. What about work?" Adam asked.

Kim wanted to ignore the outside world, but she knew they needed to figure it out before they told their friends and family about their reunion, "We take it one day at a time." She bit the tip of her finger, "Let's not tell anyone yet, okay?"

"Really?" It surprised Adam, "Keep it a secret?"

"Yes." Kim answered, "No." She corrected herself, "Not really a secret. Just that we don't advertise it..if that makes sense. I don't want any outside pressure on us...we're just figuring this out..I don't want questions being thrown at us. I don't want people asking if we're going to get married, I don't want a bunch of people butting in or giving us any unsolicited advice."

"Agreed." Adam had a fair idea of who had been in Kim's ear and he definitely didn't want to go down that rabbit hole again.

Kim pulled him up from the chair, "I'm suddenly super tired.."

"Oh yeah?" Adam smirked, "Are you now?"

Kim giggled, "I am." She stood on her toes, "and I'm a little bit horny too."


	14. It's About Fucking Time part 1

It was the dead of winter in Chicago, everything around him was covered by fresh fallen snow at least a foot of it. It seemed every weekend brought at least six inches and he was quickly growing tired of it.

He stomped his boots on the sidewalk to free them of the slush he'd picked up on the walk over from the parking garage. It had been a chaotic day and he was still trying to catch his breath.

She would have his balls if she knew what he was doing but he craved it, he hadn't had a craving this bad in years. Sure the occasional cigar had helped him some and she didn't care for that particular habit all that but this one she hated.

He was scared shitless.

He had bummed a cigarette off one of the security guards, and as he took the first drag off it he felt his nerves begin to settle just a tiny bit. He held his breath for as long as he could before blowing it out watching as the puff of smoke escaped from his lips.

The puff of smoke vanishing in the cold night air, taking his breath along with it. He took a few more puffs before tossing the cigarette to the ground and stomping it out with the toe of his boot.

He needed to get back upstairs.

As he went inside the light from the moon reflected off his wedding band, the flicker of light brought a smile to his face.

So much had happened in three years.

He and Kim finally found their way back to each other, that was the silver lining of what had been a horrific time. It hadn't happened right away and things had gotten a bit worse before they got better.

Things had gotten exponentially better, he and Kim found their footing and eventually found their way to the alter.

Six months after their reunion they ended up married. It was a wedding with little fanfare, just their families and closet friends in attendance as they said their vows.

Sometimes it was still a bit surreal to him, sometimes he still needed to pinch himself to make sure he was really living this life. The life he had thought was lost to him, the life he thought he'd never have.

He allowed the memories to wash over him.

" _Adam Ruzek..will you marry me?" Kim asked, her arms looped around his neck._

 _Adam looked down at her, a goofy grin on his face, "Fuck yes.." he laughed, he kissed her, tangling his hands in her hair, when he finally pulled back he reached into his back pocket. "You beat me.." he laughed as he held the ring between his thumb and index finger, "You sneaky little shit" he laughed once more as he slipped the ring on her finger._

" _Great minds, baby. Great minds."_

They married just six weeks later.

That's not to say it was smooth sailing, it wasn't it was just they were now equipped to handle the rough seas and the occasional rouge wave.

Never in a million years could you've prepared him for what had transpired just shortly after they married.

" _What time is Kevin picking you up?" Kim asked Adam as she tossed her yoga mat and towel in the duffel bag, "Jay going too?"_

 _Adam tied his sneaker, propping his foot up on the kitchen table as he did so, earning a scowl from Kim, he immediately dropped it to the floor "Sorry." He apologized, "Jay bailed. He's going antique shopping with that chick..." he struggled to come up with her name, "You know the one. She's real busty.." he gestured with his hands, pantomiming breasts._

" _Adam.." Kim rolled her eyes, "Jacklyn. Her name is Jacklyn." The jury was still out on Jay's latest flame._

" _Yeah. That one. Anyway they're going to look at antiques, which I think is about as much fun as a vasectomy." He leaned over to kiss Kim's cheek. "I think this one might stick around."_

" _You think? I'm not so sure. She's not what Jay usually goes for" Kim grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge, she refused to spend the four dollars the gym charged._

" _Darlin', he's antiquing with her. He's in to her, or she's gonna give him some seriously good head afterwards." Adam reasoned, not sure on which it was. His buddy never had much to say about the women in his life, Erin had seriously messed with his head and heart. Since then he played it all pretty close to the vest and said very little if anything about them. It didn't stop him from bringing them around, he just provided few details._

" _You're gross." Kim laughed. "The last time we went I didn't give you 'seriously good head' as you so eloquently put it." Her husband was worse than a teenage boy some times, his mouth was filthy and he had no filter. If he thought it, he said it._

" _No, you did not." Adam laughed, "I'm still bitter about that.." He wagged his finger at her, "but it's different for us. We're married.." he held up his left hand, "this ring says I have to do what ever you want. You know if I wanna stay alive. Can't piss off the wife." He wore that ever present smirk, a smirk that often brought Kim to her knees and he knew it could get him out of trouble._

 _Kim rolled her eyes, "Is that so? Except for when I ask you to change the oil in my car or cut the grass in the back yard..you don't do it. You whine and I've got to nag you..."_

 _Adam laughed when he heard Kevin's impatient honking, "Hear that? It's Atwater...I gotta go. You know how he gets if I make him wait. Love you darlin', be careful." He kissed her cheek and was out the door in a flash._

" _Bye baby!" Kim called out to him. The man knew how to aggravate the piss out of her some days but she adored him despite it._

" _What's up dog." Kevin greeted him as he climbed in._

" _All good, my man. All good." He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, an incoming text._

' _Cut the grass before I get home and you just might get some of that seriously good head, baby'._

 _He could see the gleam in Adam's eye, his face lit up as he read the message "I'm guessing it's Burgess, yeah?" Kevin asked, refusing to refer to her as 'Ruzek', she'd always be 'Burgess' to him._

" _Yes.." Adam smiled, "she's feisty today."_

" _Stop. Just shot yo mouth. She's like my sister man..I don't wanna hear it." Kevin pulled away._

 _The class was a relatively new edition to the gym she and Adam belonged to and she enjoyed it immensely. She soon discovered that yoga had been the perfect way to shed whatever stress she was carrying, and with her job she carried around a ton of stress. It was nice to decompress and while Adam had initially taken a few classes with her, he hated them and she could no longer stand to her his whining over it. She ended up forming a fast friendship with a few women from the class, She had bonded pretty quickly with the entire group but she and Staci really hit it off. Staci was a stay at home mom and married to an attorney and before long she and Kim were meeting up at least twice a week for yoga and had even had a few girls nights together._

 _Kim smiled when Staci finally arrived, "Sorry.." she apologized looking a bit harried, "my sitter was running late and the kids were at each other's throat. The dog shit all over the rug, it's been fun." Staci rolled her eyes, "I see you snagged us a good spot."_

 _Kim laughed, "Sounds like a good time. I did. I hope you don't mind, I was getting tired of being in the back. How're the kids?" She had met them a handful of times and they were absolutely adorable._

" _Rotten." Staci laughed as she unrolled her mat, "Jax was mad at Juliana for some trivial reason. He then thought it'd be a good idea to give his sister a haircut" she explained, "and Monday is picture day at their school."_

" _Ouch!" Kim tried not to laugh at her friend, "So..crazy morning, yeah?" She gave up trying to hide her amusement._

" _Yes." She pulled out her cellphone and swiped through the images until she found what she was looking for, "I don't think Hudson has a future as a hair stylist, he did some serious damage"_

 _Kim took the phone from her friend and sucked her teeth, "Oh! That's not good, she's still cute as can be though."_

" _Well, Yes she is, but I don't think even the most talented stylist can fix what Huddy did." Staci tossed it in her duffel bag, "Alright enough about my little demons..how's that handsome husband of yours?"_

" _Annoying. Loud. A man child somedays." Kim laughed, "But he's mine. He's out with a buddy of his what they're up to I've no clue."_

 _As the room filled it up the crowd grew quiet their instructor ran a tight ship and didn't appreciate the class carrying on with multiple conversations. She insisted on near silence once the class began, stating that talking during yoga defeated the purpose. That they needed to free their mind of distractions and talking would be counter productive. Just a few minutes after the scheduled time, one of the managers came in moved to the front of the room, "Sorry for the delay in getting class started, Amy is out today. We've called in an instructor from one of our other locations..she's just getting ready.." she glanced at the door as it opened, "Never-mind her she is, thanks again Brenda!" She stepped down turning the spot over to Brenda._

 _Staci glanced at Kim when she heard the gasp, "You Okay?"_

" _Yep." Kim's response was curt, she put her head down and began to was going to do the work and then leave, hoping that she would go unnoticed by Brenda._

 _Staci hadn't known Kim very long but she had a pretty decent understanding of her new friend, and right now it was clear to her that Kim was on edge. Just ten minutes remained in the hour long class and Kim was rigid and her body language had her on the defensive._

 _They didn't always stop for a coffee after class, but today they would. Staci would make sure of it, she needed to know why Kim's mood had changed._

" _Ladies. That's it. This was a fabulous class, thanks for being such kick ass students." Brenda started weaving her way through the classroom, she had spotted her the minute she walked in._

 _She'd always be able to pick that bitch out of a crowd._

" _You okay?" Staci asked Kim, her hand on her forearm, "you seem agitated."_

 _Kim pursed her lips, "the instructor? She's an ex of Adam's. She's a nasty woman, and she's a liar." She hurriedly grabbed her things, rolled the yoga mat up as she spoke._

 _Staci glanced over her shoulder at the woman, "Really? She strikes me as a bit of an airhead. She doesn't strike me as someone who'd catch Adam's eye."_

" _It was an ugly time for Adam when they hooked up. It's a long story, I don't want to get into it." Kim slung the yoga mat over her shoulder, "I just want to get out of here."_

" _Alright let's go."_

 _Brenda caught them at the door, "Kim..how could you leave without saying hi." She grinned like a Cheshire Cat._

 _Kim shook her head in disgust, "Excuse me." She wasn't going to talk to her, "I'm leaving." She tried to sidestep her only for Brenda to follow her every move, it became crystal clear to Kim that she wasn't getting away from her. "What do you want?"_

" _How're you?" She pointed to the engagement ring and wedding band on Kim's finger, "Married, huh?"_

" _Yep." Kim replied._

" _To who?" Brenda asked, "how long?"_

 _Staci watched the exchange carefully, Kim's demeanor was cold and her jaw locked. She could see the anger rolling off her friend in waves._

" _Six months. To Adam." Kim forced herself to smile and tilted her head, "I'm leaving now." She pushed passed her, knocking her off balance a bit. The move was a calculated one and she was hoping Brenda would take the bait. She'd love to wipe the floor with the woman's face._

 _Brenda steadied herself and went back at Kim, "Adam? Adam Ruzek? He married you?" She began to roar with laughter, "Oh that's hilarious. Well, since you've made it six months..I'm betting it won't last another six months. That man will never be able to stay with you for that long, knowing Adam as I do, he probably already has a little piece of ass on the side." She enjoyed the way Kim's face distorted and her cheeks turned bright red, "Tell him to call me, my number hasn't changed. We always had great sex, I'm sure he's missing it."_

 _Staci felt her jaw drop, she was in a state of shock._

 _Brenda knew she had gone too far, when she felt Kim's fist connect with her jaw. It had left her disoriented for a few seconds but she managed to find her footing and attempted to go back at her._

 _Kim quickly shook out her hand, the pain was immediate after she hit her target, but it was an amazing feeling. Her adrenaline had kicked in and she had grabbed Brenda's arm and bent it behind her back and tossed her to the ground, her knee in the bitch's back, "Shut. The. Fuck. Up." She seethed, "Don't you dare say my husband's name"_

 _Brenda was able to wiggle free from the hold and had flipped Kim off of her, she was no straddling Kim and was able to get a punch in before she felt someone pulling her and Kim apart._

 _Staci had rushed over to Kim and was was trying to calm her, it wasn't working._

 _Both Kim and Brenda managed to get back at it, Staci did the only thing she could think of._

 _Kevin pulled the lever and they waited as their targets flew across the zip line, they often hit up the shooting range, they'd both would've rather played paintball but Jay begged them to put it off until he could join them. In an effort to keep Jay from whining they decided to have a little target practice instead._

 _The owner had allowed them to use some of his more high powered guns and they guys were loving it, Adam rubbed his collarbone, "That one there..." he pointed to the gun on the shelf, "has a serious recoil. It's spot on though, it's a nice weapon for sure." He could still feel the sting, he rubbed his fingers over it. He knew it was just a matter of time before a bruise appeared._

" _Indeed it is. I'm sure the fine citizens of Chicago will get their hands on it before we do" his sarcasm was thick, "kinda sad too. I mean were the 5-0 and they're outgunning us. That's some serious shit, brother."_

" _You ain't lying" Adam dropped his target on the table. His phone vibrating in his back pocket._

" _Tell the wife it's boys day. She can't call you. It's my time with you." Kevin teased._

 _Adam rolled his eyes as he answered the call, "Hey.." he was more than a bit surprised to hear Staci's voice on the other end of the call, "What happened?" He asked, "Okay. On my way."_

 _Kevin may have been busting Adam's balls initially but he could tell by the look on Adam's face something was up, "I'm coming with."_

 _Kevin didn't like what he saw when they arrived at the gym, three patrol cars in the fire zone in front of the building. Quite a crowd had formed near the main doors of the gym._

 _Kevin whipped out his badge and began clearing the crowd as Adam rushed inside._

" _Kim!" Adam called out, finding only Staci. He grabbed her hand, "Hey..Where's Kim?"_

 _Staci pointed at the door, "In the back. She's with the manager. I told them not to call the police but they didn't listen."_

" _Police?" Adam was confused as hell, Staci hadn't given him much over the phone and he just assumed Kim was hurt, "Why the police? What happened?"_

" _Our regular instructor was out today, they called in someone from another location. Instantly I could tell Kim didn't like her..."_

" _What the fuck happened?" Adam interrupted her, he didn't care for all the details._

" _It was your ex. She was the instructor. She and Kim had words. Kim tried to ignore her and walk away, but your ex was relentless..she kept going and Kim clocked her. Right in the face, they were pulled apart but ended up going at each other's throats again. I called you. They called the police."_

 _Adam was finally brought back to the manager's office, he spotted a pair patrol officers talking to Brenda in an office across the hall._

 _Kim sat with an ice bag on her cheek, she was still trembling when she watched Adam come through the door. She tossed the ice bag to the ground and threw herself at Adam, sobbing in his arms._

" _Shh.." Adam whispered into her hair, his hand running the length of her back, "It's okay. I'm here. It's okay." He hated when she cried._

 _Kim finally pulled away from him, "I hit her. I shouldn't have I know, but she kept saying horrible things about you..I had to hit her. Then before I knew it, it was an all out brawl."_

 _Adam inspected her cheek, lightly running his fingers over the red mark, "Does it hurt? It's starting to swell." He placed a feathery light kiss on her cheek. He then turned his attention to her hand, "Babe...it's pretty swollen."_

" _I know" Kim bit the corner of her lip, "will you take my rings off, I don't want them to have to be cut off" she could already feel her fingers starting to swell, "I think my hand is broken."_

" _I think so too, darlin'. I'm sorry."_

" _It's not your fault. I let her get to me. I never should've given her that power." Kim had already talked with the police and she was in the clear, and she knew Brenda would be sent on her way as well. She was certain it helped that she had been the training officer for one of the patrolmen._

" _What did she say?"_

" _Doesn't matter. She's bitter and hateful. I never should've stooped to her level" Kim sat in his lap, "though I won't lie..punching that bitch in the mouth sure felt good."_

 _Adam smirked, "Did it now?"_

" _Fuck yes." Kim smiled just a little bit._

" _Do you have any idea and how turned on I am right now?" Adam pulled her face down to him, "I could totally fuck you right now..in this room." He kissed her lips, "it'd be fucking amazing."_

 _Kim laughed against his lips, "If I wasn't a sweaty mess and my hand wasn't throbbing I'd let you fuck me in this room.."_

" _Oh, Babe." Adam sighed, "I'm sorry." He hated seeing her in pain of any kind._

Adam could laugh at the memory now, but in the days immediately afterwards he was a bit rough. Kim had broken her hand and was upset with herself for reacting the way she did. Adam carried a fair bit of guilt over it, he had been the one to bring Brenda into her life and that hurt. He feared that Kim would believe the nasty things she had said, and he let it get to him. Kim finally got through to him and they moved on and Brenda had never been seen again.

He swayed impatiently as he waited for the elevator desperate to get upstairs. He had yet another memory wash over him, one that would be forever ingrained in his mind and heart.

 _He stood in the doorway to the living room and watched as Kim slept. It had been a long few days and he was glad Kim was finally resting. She'd spent much of the previous night in the bathroom._

 _The puke bucket wrapped in her arms was a sign that she was still feeling sick to her stomach. She had spent the last few days puking her guts out, she'd spend hours throwing up and then she'd feel okay for a bit and then she'd finally work up the courage to eat something and then it would start all over again._

 _It was a vicious cycle and it was beginning to worry him, she was healthy as a horse and rarely did she get sick. Seeing her like this wasn't easy, and he hated that he couldn't help her._

 _Kim turned on her side and her eyes opened, "Hey..." her voice raspy and dry. She could still taste an acidic hint of vomit, "you're home."_

" _I am." Adam squeezed in on the small section of couch that she wasn't on, "You Okay?"_

" _No. I think this it was death feels like..." Kim mumbled, "I'm so over this Adam."_

 _Adam lifted her legs up and moved to sit on the couch, dropping her legs in his lap, "So..are your ready to go the doctor?"_

 _Kim ran her hand over her forehead, "I think so. Stomach bugs don't usually last this long..and you haven't caught it." She furrowed her brow in disgust, "which by the way isn't fair, no one else has been sick."_

" _Maybe it's not a bug." Adam suggested, "I made you an appointment for first thing tomorrow. I've got to testify in court, I tried to get out of it and they shut me down. So, I'll need you to call me ASAP. Okay?"_

" _Yes, Sir." Kim forced a smile, "I'm sleepy." She hated feeling like this, hated being exhausted all the time._

" _Go back to sleep baby." Adam whispered as her eyes fluttered a bit before she finally crashed._

 _He'd do anything for her, and he hated seeing her so exhausted and sick._

 _Kim was still in a bit of shock as she left the doctors office, and she couldn't wait to get to Adam. She had hoped he'd be at the district when she arrived, she had contemplated calling him but she was afraid she'd spill the beans and she wanted to see the look on his face when she shared the news with him._

 _She was surprised to find him hanging out in the break room, the necktie around his neck loosened and his dress shirt untucked and looking rumpled. Her husband wasn't much for dressing up, "Hey baby." Kim smiled wrapping her arms around his waist._

" _Hey!" Adam grinned, he kissed the top of her head, "You look better..I told you to call me. I've left you at least five voicemails..what'd the doctor say?"_

 _Kim had ignored his calls, "I know. I saw them on my call log." She led him to the table in the corner of the room, "sit down for me."_

 _Adam did as he was told, "Are you okay?" she looked better than she had in days and her eyes sparkled a bit, the light was back in her eyes and it was promising . He was still a bit perplexed as to what was going on, "Darlin, what's going on?"_

" _I'm not sick baby, I'm carrying a baby." She brought her hands to her stomach, "I'm pregnant Adam. About seven weeks along."_

" _What?" Adam stammered, his eyes grew watery. "Baby?" He placed his hand on her stomach, "You're pregnant?" He kneeled in front of her, placing his cheek against her stomach, "A baby?"_

 _Kim wiped her eyes, "Yes." She smiled, running her fingers through Adam's disheveled hair, "Are you happy?"_

 _Adam jumped up, "Yes!" He smiled, he captured her lips in an intense kiss one hand still on her stomach, "I'm fucking ecstatic, Kim." Of all the things it could've been, Adam had never even considered pregnancy a possibility._

The dinging of the elevator pulled him from his thoughts, he deftly swiped away the lone tear from beneath his eye as he stepped in the empty elevator.

It had been nine months, well nine months and a week to be exact, it seemed the newest Ruzek really enjoyed its current digs and was in no hurry to leave. While the baby may have been happy to stay put, Kim was uncomfortable and cranky. She was miserable in fact, the last six weeks of her pregnancy had really pushed her past her breaking point.

Adam was often the one to catch the brunt of it. Wether it was anger, frustration, sadness, or any number of different emotions Adam seemed to always take it on the chin. He didn't care though, it was the least he could do.

He had spent the last nine months in awe of his wife, watching as she nourished their unborn child, it was a beautiful thing to witness. Kim did everything in her power to insure their child received what it needed, that their child would be healthy.

He was so fucking proud of her, he would never be able to articulate just how proud he was. He marveled at her strength and her determination, he had been overwhelmed by the urge to protect her and their unborn child. He had always been protective of Kim, not that she needed him to be she was quite the badass in her own right. Just knowing that his child was growing inside of her, heightened his desire to protect Kim and by proxy their child.

He had yet to hold his child but he loved it with his entire being, he would give his life if it meant his child would be okay.

It often left him feeling overwhelmed and inadequate, he was terrified. He was going to be responsible for this tiny little being that he and Kim had created and it was a heavy burden to carry. He was thankful their kid had Kim, somedays Adam wasn't sure he could keep a house plant alive.

Kim was mixing the ice chips around in the cup with a spoon, she'd kill for an actual drink but she wasn't allowed one. The ice chips would have to suffice, she'd been induced hours ago but things had hit a wall, she had made a bit of progress and dilated some but it was as if someone had slammed on the brakes. Bringing her labor to an abrupt stop, at the moment they were content to ride it out. The baby wasn't in any danger and Kim was in good spirits. They hoped things would pick up again soon, they were on a short leash though and a cesarean wasn't off the table just yet.

Kim was vehemently against the idea of a cesarean, she and Adam had butt heads over it earlier, and they had agreed to discuss it further if things headed in that direction.

"So..." Adam tapped her knee, "How's it going?" It was a silly fucking question and he knew it but he was anxious, he wasn't handling this well and it scared him. He hated not being in control of the situation and he never handled feeling helpless ver well.

Kim scrunched her nose up in disgust, she pulled the collar of his shirt bringing him closer to her, she shoved her nose in the crook of his neck. Not that she needed to be so close, she could smell it the second he walked in the room. Yet another lovely side effect of her pregnancy, her sense of smell seemed to have his super power status, "You've had a cigarette.." she scowled at him, "Adam.."

"I did not" he attempted to lie, he knew how much she hated it and he was disappointed with himself, he knew she wasn't buying it. "Yes. I had one. I just took a few drags babe, I'm fucking stressed out." He paced the room, "I needed to take the edge off..I feel like there's a boulder on my chest..this kid isn't even here yet and it's gonna give me a fucking ulcer." He plopped down heavily on edge of the bed, bringing his hands to his face, "What if I fuck up." He mumbled from behind his hands.

Kim ran her hand up his arm and around his shoulder, "Adam, honey. You're going to be such a good daddy."

"I don't know..."

"I do. I know it. Adam, you've been amazing this entire pregnancy. A little annoying at times" she shrugged, "we will make mistakes with this baby, every parent does but we won't fuck up." She cringed a bit as she used Adam's favorite word, "Adam, we can do this, I've got faith in us."

"I'm glad you do. I'm so fucking scared it ain't even funny..this kid.." he paused and looked that palm of his hand, running his finger along the lines on it, "Kim..I fucking love it. I've never seen its face..but I love it. Fuck..I don't know anything about it and I love it. It's fucking scary as hell."

She grabbed his face, "Adam..it is scary but I'm not scared. Not when I've got you with me. Together we can do anything."

Adam moved in for a kiss, "I love you."

Kim smiled against his lips, "I love you too." She felt him lean in to her palm, "I will tell you this...that mouth of yours..you need to get a handle on it. Our baby's first word will not be ' _fuck_ ', okay?"

Adam laughed at her, "Sorry. I will work on that. I've got what a year before it'll talk?" He teased her, "This kid needs to get its shit together and get out of there..I mean I get it..I love being inside you too..but enough is enough.."

Kim shook her head, "You're an asshole Adam."

"Maybe." He smirked, "I wasn't lying though."

He had just drifted to sleep when he had heard her cry out in pain, it had taken him a few seconds to gather his wits about him, he was at her side in an instant "What is it?" He asked his voice gravely from sleep.

Kim was diaphoretic and her heart raced, "It hurts..my god Adam it hurts so bad." She had been having contractions for a few hours and they hadn't been pleasant by any definition of the word but these were unbelievably painful and she felt as if she was being ripped in half, "I think the baby is coming.." they had broken her water a few hours prior in hopes of speeding things up.

The nurse was in the room in a flash and had done an examination and already had paged the doctor, "Looks like someone has finally gotten the memo and decided to vacate the premises"

Kim had Adam's hand in hers and was squeezing the shit out of it, Adam was sure she was cutting off the circulation, "It's about fucking time."

 _ **Well, this was going to be the final chapter..but it became way too long so I've decided to split it up into two parts. So, while it's not the epilogue, it's not quite an actual chapter either. It's a mixture of the two..a hybrid if you will.**_

 _ **Hope it's not too confusing with the time jumps, I also hope it's not still too long! Look for part 2 in a few days! As always thanks for reading and leaving reviews! It's always fun to see your take on it!**_


	15. It's About Fucking Time Part 2 The End

Instantaneous.

That was the word kicking around in his head, every parent he had talked to over the last few weeks had told him that the second he laid eyes on his baby he would be head over heels in love with it.

He didn't quite grasp it then, but he knew it now.

The love he felt was unlike anything he'd ever felt before, it was just as intense as the love he had for Kim, but it was different. He was still struggling to find the words to explain it, he wasn't sure he'd ever find the words.

For someone who seemed so reluctant to be born had suddenly switched lanes and hauled ass to get out.

His heart broke for Kim as she cried out in pain, everything had moved insanely fast and made an epidural impossible. He knew she was in the throes of severe pain and yet her only concern was their baby.

Adam was in awe.

He had gone back and forth for weeks on where he wanted to be when the baby was delivered, did he want to be at Kim's head, holding her hand through it all. Or did he want to be at the ' _business_ ' end and help to deliver the baby. He wasn't sure he had the stomach for it, he'd seen enough birthing videos to know it was pretty gruesome.

Adam finally made the decision, he would never forget the moment he first laid eyes on his child, it was absolutely beautiful. The doctor allowed Adam to help as the baby crowned and it was an amazing feeling to be the first to hold the baby.

The baby was absolute perfection, despite its misshapen head Adam reluctantly allowed the nurse to scoop the baby from his arms, as she gathered the baby's vitals Adam went to Kim.

Tears streamed down her cheeks, "The baby?" She asked, "It's not crying.."

The words slipped from her lips just as their baby began to cry, "Little one is okay." The nurse called out, "sometimes they take a minute or two to cry, your baby has a set of lungs, that's quite the scream.

"Fuck...What is it?" Adam had been so enamored with the baby that he hadn't even checked it's _equipment_ , a term he used to just to aggravate the piss out of Kim. He loved to get her all worked, he found her absolutely adorable when she was annoyed. It wasn't always a smart move on his part but he couldn't help himself.

The doctor brought the baby over, "I've got a little guy here who wants his mommy and daddy" He smiled, "Everything is good. He's a big boy, nine pounds four ounces and twenty two inches long. He's perfect." He had placed a light blue hat on his head and swaddled him in a matching blanket. "Congratulations."

Adam barely acknowledged the doctor's presence he was mesmerized by his wife and son, the plump infant nestled in the crook of her arm, her nose nuzzling his perfectly formed face.

"A son." He whispered, "We have a son." He leaned down to kiss Kim, his hand caressing his son's head, "This...this is unreal..I've got a son."

Kim didn't bother wiping away the tears as they rolled down her cheeks, Adam wasn't the only in awe at the moment, she loved the way Adam was looking at their son. His eyes were filled with tears and the love he felt for their precious little boy was written all over his face, "He's here. He's finally here." Kim finally wiped a few tears away, "I love him, Adam. I love him so much." She placed a kiss on the tip of his nose, "This is just the cutest nose ever.." she marveled, "look at his lips Adam, they're perfect. His mouth is absolutely adorable. He's got your little pout."

Adam looked him over, running his index finger the length of his son's arm, "You think so? His head is a bit different." He teased.

"His head is perfect." Kim glared at him, "He's perfect."

"His head will work itself out in a few days, it's not uncommon. Especially when they're as big as him, he's a cutie." The nurse stood over the bed, "Does he have a name?"

Adam and Kim looked at each other, "No..not yet." Adam replied, "We haven't been able to agree on one yet."

"No worries. Just let us know." She scribbled his info on the card that would be attached to his bassinet, "Baby Boy Ruzek will work for now."

It had been unbelievably difficult to leave the baby in the nursery but they were both exhausted and needed to catch a few hours of sleep. They'd been running on fumes for hours on end and the initial adrenaline spike was fading.

Adam had carried their son to the nursery and he reluctantly handed him over, but not before kissing his forehead and whispering a soft 'I love you' to him, he stood and watched as the nurse on duty carefully returned him to his bassinet. It had only been a few hours since he had come into the world and it felt odd to leave him behind.

A nurse sensed Adam's nervousness, "Your first?" She asked.

Adam nodded, "Yes. I don't want to take my eyes off him. Don't want to leave him. It's weird..he's just a few hours old but it feels like he's been with me forever."

"It's not weird. Welcome to parenthood." She smiled at Adam, "We've got him under control you need to get some sleep. You look exhausted."

Adam chuckled, "I am. I probably should get used to it, right?"

"Probably." She smiled as she turned on her heels and went into the nursery.

Bob Ruzek had never envisioned himself as the doting grandfather, he'd been a half ass father and he regretted it. He and Adam had come along way in the years since Adam was shot and they now had a solid and strong relationship. He absolutely adored Kim and was over the moon when they told him they were expecting.

He didn't bother heading home after work, choosing to go right to the hospital to meet his grandchild. They refused to give him any details despite his begging and multiple texts asking for even the tiniest hint.

He played it safe and purchased a small brown teddy bear from the hospital gift shop, he also grabbed some flowers for Kim. He had hit up a local smoke shop and bought two of their best cigars and couldn't wait to smoke them with Adam.

He rapped his knuckles lightly on the door as he pushed it open, the sight before him took his breath away. Kim sat in the bed, her baby nestled in her arms as she held the bottle for the infant.

"Hi.." Bob whispered, he glanced over at Adam who was sleeping in the recliner in the corner of the room, "How're you doing?"

"Good." Kim beamed, "Exhausted, but good." She jerked her head in Adam's direction, "Adam finally fell asleep just a little while ago."

Bob set the gifts on the counter, "I can come back. Once Adam's up. I don't mind."

"I do." Kim replied, "Don't be silly, stay and visit with us." She pointed to the baby in her arms, "this little one can't wait to meet you."

"Yeah?" Bob smiled, "Everything is good? We've got a healthy baby?"

Kim nodded, "We do."

Adam rubbed his eyes, "Pops. Hey."

"Didn't mean to wake you" Bob apologized before hugging his son, "Congratulations."

Adam couldn't keep the grin off his face, "Thanks. Kim was champ, Pops. She's amazing."

Bob and Rhonda had a tumultuous relationship, that was toxic for all involved but they had done one thing right. They had brought Adam into the world and despite everything that had happened between them he would always be in awe of the strength Rhonda had displayed when Adam was born.

"I believe it. It's beautiful isn't it? Watching your child come into the world." He touched the infant's foot, "So..what did we get?"

Adam lifted the baby from Kim, "Pops..meet your grandson." He handed him to Bob, "Son, this is your grandfather. You'll call him Poppy. He's pretty cool." Adam introduced his son to his father.

"A boy?" Bob's voice cracked a bit, "Are you shitting me right now?" He was overjoyed, he had secretly hoped for a boy.

"I shit you not." Adam laughed, "Feel free to check out the _equipment_ if you don't believe me." He smirked.

"Not necessary. I'll take your word for it." Bob kissed the little guy's cheek, "He's a handsome fellow. What's his name?" He finally took his eyes off his grandson.

"Uh.." Adam laughed, "We're still working on that."

Kim was thoroughly enjoying the fact that it was just her an Adam and their sweet boy, intelligence was ball deep in a case, otherwise she was certain they would've stopped in. She was anxious for everyone to meet her little boy but was enjoying the calm before the storm. Once the unit was free she knew they'd haul ass to the hospital and chaos would ensue.

She couldn't get enough of Adam and the baby together. The pair were currently laying in the hospital bed, the baby out cold on Adam's chest as he watched a hockey game. His arms protectively wrapped around their son, holding him close and keeping him safe.

She knew her little boy would always be safe in his daddy's arms, just as she knew she'd always be safe in Adam's arms.

She flipped through the one of the baby naming books that Platt had given them earlier in the day. Trudy was more than a little annoyed to learn the baby hadn't been named yet, she wanted to purchase a gift and needed to know to the name. After her visit and a few snuggles with the baby she hit up a book store and purchased a stack of baby name books.

"Kaden?" Kim called out.

"Dumb." Adam replied, "Next."

"Rory?"

Adam turned his head to look at her, "Rory Ruzek? I'll pass, thanks." He shuddered at the thought of it.

Kim sighed as she continued to scan the pages, "Seth?"

"That's worse than Rory." Adam paused the game, "What about John?"

Kim cocked her eyebrow at him, "From Die Hard? I'm not naming my son after a fictional character, Adam."

Adam returned the baby to the bassinet and squeezed in next to Kim on the bed, "He's a badass though, just like our kid. He's gonna be a badass too. He's got you for a mom."

Kim leaned into his side, "That's sweet but no." She grabbed a book from the pile, "Start looking. Our son needs a name."

Kim had been a bit surprised by Trudy when she had arrived earlier to see the baby, Kim knew she had a kind heart underneath all her bravado but the way she reacted to the baby was heartwarming and her admission knocked Kim for a _loop._

" _Hi." Trudy smiled, "Where's Adam?"_

 _Kim sat up in the bed, "I sent him home to grab a shower and a bag for me and the baby, we forgot." She pointed to the bassinet in the corner of the room, "do you want to hold the baby?"_

 _Trudy grinned from ear to ear, "Can I?"_

" _Of course." Kim smiled, "You're family." She watched as Trudy scooped the sleeping baby up in her arms, "He's a big boy, isn't he?" She could see his weight had surprised her, "just over nine pounds."_

" _Great." She sighed, "just what the world needs another Adam Ruzek in the world, I'm not sure we can handle it."_

 _Kim laughed, "Scary thought. We haven't decided on a name yet, but we both passed on naming him after Adam. Right now he's Baby Boy Ruzek."_

 _Trudy snuggled with the baby, "Why doesn't that surprise me?" She kissed the baby's head, "Your parents had nine months to come up with a name for you..good thing you've got your Aunt Trudy, sweet boy."_

" _Aunt Trudy, huh?" Kim smiled, "I love it."_

" _I love him." Trudy smiled, tears in her eyes, "He's adorable." Trudy couldn't ignore the pang of sadness in her gut, "I regret not having children, it was always something. The job, a nasty break up. Something always stopped me..anyway.." she was divulging a bit more personal information then she typically would, "this little boy, he's the next best thing."_

" _I can count on you as a babysitter then huh?" Kim teased._

" _Absolutely." Trudy handed the baby to Kim, "He needs a name. You and Adam need to get it together. I need to head out. Congratulations again, you did good."_

It wasn't even thirty minutes later when she appeared in the door way the stack of books in her hands.

" _Baby naming books. Your son needs a name." Trudy set the books on the counter, "I expect a phone call when you and your husband agree on a name."_

Adam had offered nearly a dozen names, each more outrageous then the last and Kim was beginning to fear they'd never agree.

She was all about traditional names, she had liked _Christopher_ , _Michael_ , _Alexander_ and _Jeffrey_.

Adam liked _Knox_ , _Asher_ , _Remington_ , and _Kingston_.

Claimed their son needed a name that was unique and bold. A name that would be fit for a legend, a comment that had Kim rolling her eyes. She really couldn't argue with him though, she just new her son would a legend.

Adam had gone quiet, "Hey...I got one." He told her, "Listen to this. The name means fierce person, king of creatures, and dragons."

Kim braved herself not sure what Adam was about to throw at her, "Interesting. What's the name?"

Adam brought her the book, his finger pointing to the definition, "Griffin. I like it. It's kind of has a Game Of Thrones connection..the dragon bit."

"Griffin." Kim let it roll of her tongue, "Griffin Ruzek."

"You like it, right?" Adam asked, "it's bad ass. Griff. I love it." He picked the baby up, "What do you say kiddo." He whispered as he son slept peacefully in his arms.

"Griffin it is." Kim announced, "Its perfect."

As expected intelligence had shown up just as soon as their case ended, Kim and Griffin both had been discharged two days after he was born and the team showed up at their house just a days after that.

Little Griffin was a week old and settling nicely into his new digs. They would've appreciated it if he slept just bit more but he was adjusting to life on the outside.

Kim was still in dealing with some discomfort, having push a nine pound human out of your body wasn't a pleasant experience with an epidural, and having to do it without it was a nightmare.

It was all worth it though, it had given the most beautiful boy in the world.

Olinsky and Voight had been the first to show up, both men had lost their children and seeing Adam with his son was a sight to behold. It brought them both a little bit of happiness, it gave them some light it what was a very dark world for them.

They each held Griffin and showered him with gifts, they told him all about the world and how lucky he was to have been born a Ruzek and into the Intelligence family.

Kevin had shown up with an armful of gifts, at few pairs of ridiculously tiny sneakers and a basketball that was bigger than Griffin. Jay had visited as well, Jacklyn on his arm, their relationship had been solidified by the diamond engagement ring she was sporting. She oohed and awed over Griffin, she had rattled on about her ovaries and how they were screaming for a baby of her own.

Jay cringed a bit and reigned her in a bit, suggesting they finish wedding planning before getting pregnant. Jacklyn agreed with him, and made sure he knew that she wanted a baby but wasn't even close to ready yet and she was more than happy to babysit Griffin whenever possible.

Kim and Adam soon learned that they had quite the stable of willing babysitters and they promised to take full advantage of them.

The heat was oppressive, it was just the first week of June and it was hot as balls. Adam wasn't sure what season he hated More was it winter or the summer? It was winter, it would always be winter.

The heat sucked.

It also seemed to be when all the criminals did their best work, he was never one who hated long hours, he enjoyed working a difficult case. He loved going undercover and being the one to take down the suspect.

That all changed the day Griffin was born, a lot had changed that day.

He still loved a good case, but he hated to be away from Kim and Griffin for too long and the first time he was gone for an extended case was hard. He couldn't wait to get home to his boy and Kim, he was thankful that his dad and Kevin kept close tabs on Kim in his absence.

Kim had loved being in intelligence but it's non traditional hours and the spontaneity of it didn't work for their family. Griffin needed some stability in his day to day routine and Kim put it in for a transfer, she was now working more traditional hours and with a different unit. It didn't require a lot of physical exertion and didn't carry the same level of danger that intelligence did. She did miss it at times, but she loved being able to have her weekends off and home by five everyday.

Griffin was just shy of six months old and an absolute joy, he was a happy little guy and surprisingly easy to care for. He rarely cried and if he did it was easy to determine why, he was either hungry or he had shit his diaper. He had just discovered his hands and feet and was constantly trying to get them in his mouth.

He was changing everyday and it was a joy to watch it all happen, he was the apple of their eye.

Griffin had proven to be a bad ass when he was just three months old, he had what they believed to be just a simple cold. It had been much more than that.

" _How was buds today?" Adam asked as he locked his gun in the safe, he hadn't been his usual self the last few days and it sucked, "No one warns you about how badly it sucks when you're kid is sick and you can't fix it."_

 _Kim massaged his shoulders, "It's the worst. He's got a runny nose and an awful cough, but you know Griffin he's still smiling." She loved that about their son, he was always quick to smile and he was so easy going._

" _That's my boy, he's a champ."_

" _Much better than his father" Kim laughed, Adam had been the one to bring the cold into the Ruzek house and he was miserable and he made sure everyone knew it._

" _I had an upper respiratory infection, Kim. It was brutal." Adam defended himself, "I swear I thought I was gonna die."_

" _I know. You kept telling me." Kim smiled, "If Griffin isn't better by Monday I think I'm gonna make him an appointment with the pediatrician."_

" _Hopefully we won't have to take him." Adam stripped and climbed into bed._

 _Kim had been reading in bed when she heard it. She flew out of bed and into the nursery, Griffin was gasping for air. His little body drenched it sweat and he was burning up._

" _Adam!" She screamed, "Adam..it's Griffin.." she screamed knowing her cries for help would filter through the monitor. She threw the lights on and felt her heart jump in her throat._

 _Griffin looked awful, his face was flushed and his eyes glassy. His soft brown hair was soaked with sweat, her sweet boy was struggling to breathe._

" _What's wrong?" Adam asked as he charged in the nursery._

" _He's gasping for air, he's struggling..." Kim cried._

It had been an awful night.

Griffin was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with RSV, he spent a week in the hospital and both Adam and Kim were beside themselves with fear for their little boy.

Griffin bounced back quicker than anyone had expected, their boy was living up to the definition of his name.

Kim was determined to give Adam an amazing first Father's Day just as he had given her an amazing first Mother's Day. He had been so unbelievably sweet, she was treated to breakfast in bed and a day at the spa. Only to come home and find a beautiful necklace and charm with Griffin's name and birthstone on it. She had mentioned it once in conversation and was overjoyed to see that Adam had purchased it for her.

She had scoured the Internet for the perfect gift for Adam and hadn't had much luck so she decided to think a bit outside the box. Adam has talked about wanting a tattoo for a while now but he balked at spending so much money of something a bit frivolous.

Kim researched and found one of the best tattoo parlors in Chicago and purchased a gift certificate and she couldn't wait to give it to him.

She had decided to give it to him on Father's Day when they had Bob and Al over for dinner. They knew Al would need a bit of a pick me up that the holiday was hard for him. He had been a bit of a surrogate father to Adam over the years and Adam wanted to recognize him alongside his father.

Kim loaded Griffin into the car, slipping his pacifier in his mouth she checked the straps giving them a soft tug making sure he was protected. She was grabbing everything she'd need for the weekend. While her schedule was predictable and she was finished by five, the last thing she wanted to do was hit up Whole Foods after work. Griffin was rarely cranky or miserable but when he was, he was a bit of an asshole about it, there was no way she'd go grocery shopping after picking him up from day care.

So here she was shopping on a Sunday.

Griffin loved to watch the world around him, he loved shopping. He had never met a stranger and seemed to have inherited his father's affinity for flirting. He loved to smile and babble as they went through the aisles speaking to customers and employees.

Griffin Ruzek could warm even the coldest hearts.

Kim used to breeze through the grocery store before she had Griffin, with Griffin in tow what normally took thirty minutes or so could take more than an hour. Kim wouldn't complain though, she loved seeing Griffin interact with those around him.

"You're coming this weekend, right?" Adam asked Al as they sat in the surveillance van, "Kim's going all out."

Al twisted in his seat, desperate for a more comfortable position, "I don't know kid. It's Father's Day. I don't want to step on anyone's toes."

"What?" Adam screwed his up in confusion, "What the hell does that mean?"

"Your dad." Al shrugged, "It's his day."

"First off its _my_ day" Adam smirked, "Al, I want you there. Kim and I both do. It's why we invited you. My pops knows you're coming, he's cool with it. You need to come Alvin, I don't want you alone."

"I'm always alone, never bothered you before. In case you forgot, I like being alone." Al responded.

"Not on Fathers Day Al. You don't need to be alone on Father's Day. That's why you're coming to my place, you haven't seen Griff in a while. You're coming O."

"Alright." He relented, he really didn't want to be alone on that day. He missed Lexi every single day, but Father's Day was rough. Lexi loved Father's Day, she would bake him cookies and spend the day with him. She made sure he knew how much she loved him. He had thought it would get easier that with each passing year it wouldn't hurt as much.

He quickly discovered it would always hurt, in fact each year it hurt a bit more. Slowly the sound of her voice started to fade, and he no longer would smell a whiff of her favorite perfume or hear her favorite song on the radio. Each passing year was a reminder of all the lasts.

Her last Christmas.

Her last birthday.

The last Father's Day she spent with him.

He loved little Griffin, the baby had brought some much needed light into his very dark life, being around Griffin soothed his broken heart and shattered soul.

He'd never confess it to Ruzek, but he didn't know where he'd be in life if it wasn't for Adam and Kim. They had given him what he thought was lost forever.

They gave him a family.

Kim was thankful for small miracles, Griffin had fallen hard and fast asleep on the way home, and continued to sleep as she placed him in his crib.

She would be able to unload the groceries without worrying about what he was up to or leaving him in the car.

Bob was smitten with Griffin and he made sure everyone knew just how amazing his grandson was, he was always quick to pull out a photo or share a quick video.

He'd been on the graveyard shift the last few days and was desperate to see his little buddy, he didn't even bother to go home first. He made a beeline for Adam and Kim's place, he loved their home.

It was a modest home with a beautiful porch and a nice sized fenced in yard, it was perfect for the little family. Bob couldn't wait for when he, Adam, and Griffin could run around that yard, perhaps toss a football back an forth. This second act that Bob had been blessed with was his chance to right all the wrongs. It was his chance to make up for being such a shit father when Adam was a little boy.

He pulled in behind Kim's car and grabbed a handful of bags from her trunk, "Hey.." he announced himself as he walked in the front door.

Kim heard him, "In the kitchen, Bob." She was used to him dropping in at odd times, he had become a steady fixture in their home. She loved it, she loved watching him with Griffin and she loved watching him and Adam together. She one thankful for the three men in her life.

"Here's the last of it" Bob set the bags on the counter and kissed her cheek, "Griff sleeping?"

Kim went about putting the groceries away, "He is. You can go peek in on him. He's missed his Poppy."

Bob shrugged a bit, "I don't want to wake him..."

Kim waved her hand dismissing him, "Bob..go see your grandson. He misses you. I only put him in his crib because I was unloading the car. Go see Griff-Bear." The smile on Bob's face was hard to miss, he thought his grandson hung the moon.

She was a bit surprised when she heard Bob's voice, the baby monitor in the nursery was always on and as she listened to the one sided conversation it warmed her heart.

Bob couldn't resist holding his grandson, the second Griffin began to stir he took it as permission to pick him up. He loved snuggling with the little guy, he moved to the rocking chair in the corner of the nursery and started talking.

"Hey Griffin, Poppy sure has missed his main men, this old man isn't a fan of the night shift" he ran the back of his index finger across his jawline, "Hopefully they won't last much longer"

Griffin cooed and gurgled, tiny spit bubbles forming on his lips. He smile that toothless grin and watched his grandfather's every move. If Bob was smitten, So was Griffin. He adored his grandfather and his face lit up whenever he heard his voice.

"I didn't get to do this with your daddy. I wasn't a very good dad to him, but I'm making up for it now. With you and your daddy. I'm so proud of him, Griff. You've got no idea. He's a great daddy, you're lucky to have him."

Kim had to hold the tears at bay when she saw Bob exit the nursery a smiling Griffin in his arms.

"Sorry" Bob shrugged, "I kinda woke him up"

"It's okay. Hey bubby." Kim opened her arms for her son, laughing when he threw himself at her.

Bob stroked the back of his head, "He's the best, Kim. You and Adam are doing a wonderful job with him" he brought his hand to the center of his chest and massaged it a bit.

Kim eyed him suspiciously, "You okay?" He looked pained, he grimaced a bit before dropping his hand.

"Just a little indigestion" he explained, "I grabbed some fast food on the way over. Just ate it too fast."

"Slow down Bob. No one is gonna steal your food" she laughed, "It's gotta be a Ruzek thing huh? I swear Adam inhales food, some days I doubt he even chews it. This little guy is just as bad, he chugs his bottle like a frat boy"

Bob laughed heartily, "Doesn't surprise me, us Ruzeks love our food." He kissed Kim's cheek, "I should get going, tell Adam to call me. We can hit the gun range in a few days."

"I will." Kim replied.

Few things made Kim cringe, What was currently taking place in her living room cringing and her heart in her throat.

She was the only one disturbed by what was going on, Griffin's sweet giggles filled the air.

Adam was laying on the floor and using Griffin as if he was an airplane, Adam would 'fly' Griffin around as he made various sound effects. Griffin was having the time of his life and all Kim could envision was Adam dropping their son.

"Adam..."

"He's fine, Kim. I got him. He's loving it." Adam interjected, "Mommy needs to stop worrying, right?"

"Can't help it." Kim replied, "Your dad stopped by today, he wants to go to the gun range. You should call him"

"Yeah" Adam responded, "Maybe. I'd rather hang with you and Griffin." He laid the baby on the floor and moved to sit next to Kim, "I feel like we never have any downtime, you know just us. You, Griffin and me. Someone else is always here..my pops, Platt.." he shuddered, "I will never get used to that..she's here all the time."

"She loves Griffin." Kim moved to lay her head in Adam's lap, Griffin played happily on his play mat his feet kicking wildly as he kicked at the toys dangling over him, "Adam, call your dad. At least go have a few drinks with him, he misses you."

Adam dropped his back dramatically, "I miss you." He whined, "so much."

Kim rolled her eyes as she turned to look up at him, "Go out with your dad and I will make it worth your while, Alright?"

"Meaning?" Adam asked.

"Just call your dad..."

Life had gotten in the way.

Adam never made that call.

Griffin had come down with a stomach bug, it had made the rounds at daycare and it his Griff hard.

Adam was tied up with work, and he was working fourteen hour days and heading home for a nap and a quick shower and he'd head back out. He was lucky if he got to see his boy at all and he was usually in bed when Adam would peek in on him.

Kim was the one to take the call and she hurried to the 21st, Griffin on her hip as she burst through the doors, "Trudy..Where's Adam?"

Trudy knew something was wrong the minute Kim opened her mouth, "Upstairs. Debriefing. Everything okay?"

Kim fought against the lump in her throat, "No, it's not. It's Bob. He's sick. Something with his heart, I don't really know, I need Adam." She wasn't sure how she had managed to make the thirty minute drive from their house to the district. She had ripped Griffin from his crib and hastily packed his diaper bag and was out the door in a flash.

She was surprised no one at the 21st knew what was going on, from what little they had told her Bob had suffered a 'cardiac event' after responding to a domestic disturbance. News like this tended to travel fast through the CPD grapevine and she didn't want Adam to find out from anyone other than her.

She raced upstairs, nearly knocking Kevin over in the process, "Kevin..take the baby" she shoved Griffin in his arms, "Where's Adam?"

"Bathroom." Kevin wore a look of confusion, "Burgess, you okay?"

"No, I'm not."

Adam wadded up the the paper towel and tossed it in the garbage can, running his hands down the front of his jeans once more before he exited, "Hey" he smiled when he saw Kim approaching him, "What're you doing here? Not that I'm complaining" it was then he caught the look in her eyes, "Griff?"

"He's here, he's okay. Kevin has him. It's your dad. He's at Med." Kim grabbed his hands, her heart thudded wildly in her chest and she was trembling, "Something happened with his heart"

Adam felt as if time stood still, his heart in his throat as he struggled to grasp what she said, her voice faded in and out all he could hear was his heartbeat as it rang in his ears.

Five hours later it was still a waiting game, Nicole had come and picked Griffin up and taken him home for Kim and Adam.

Kim had ducked out to check on Griffin, and took a few minutes to get her head on straight, Adam needed her to be strong for him and she was bound and determined to do it. After all Adam had done for her and continued to do, she had to do this for him she had to ignore her own fears and help her husband.

He hadn't moved from where she had left him, he sat hunched over is face in his hands, he'd grown quiet over the last hour or so and it had terrified her. Adam Ruzek didn't do quiet, he was always the brightest light in any room. He was light. Adam was the person everyone wanted to be around, the person that could find happiness in the darkest moments.

Kim would give anything to be able to find even the tiniest sliver of hope, something for Adam to grab ahold of. She was struggling, things looked bleak.

"Hey, Baby," Kim whispered, she ran her hand up Adam's back and cupped his shoulder as she wrapped her arm around him, sitting on the arm of the couch, "Can I get you something to eat..drink?"

Adam curled his lip and shook his head.

"What can I do?" Kim asked, "I love you. I love you so much. Adam, your dad is strong."

Adam reached up to flick away a tear, his eyes still focused on the ground. He couldn't bring himself to speak, knowing that once he opened his mouth he'd never recover. The lump in his throat was massive, and it was fueled by fear, sadness, and guilt.

A frantic voice came screaming into the ER, it wasn't the shrill voice or the panicked hand moments that had surprised Kim. They were in the hospital, and hearing a panicked voice was par for the course, it was the fact that the woman was screaming her father in law's name.

Kim jumped up, and raced to the woman "You know Bob?" She had never seen the woman before, the woman was distraught. Her face was stained with tears, "I'm Kim, Bob's daughter in law. You are?"

"I'm Mary." She said, "I'm his girlfriend. Is he okay?"

Girlfriend? That knocked Kim for a loop and she forced herself to ignore the confusion, "He's critical. He's had a serious heart attack, they've rushed him into surgery. We're waiting."

"Where's Adam?" Mary was surprised that she didn't see Adam. "He's here right?"

"He is. He just stepped outside, he needed some air." Kim explained, and Kim was fairly certain he had bummed a cigarette off someone. "I'm sorry...but I..We..we had no idea about you. Bob never mentioned you."

"I know." Mary sat down, "Bob and I have been together for a while now, and we had planned on telling Adam and my children soon. Bob and I knew each other years ago and we reconnected about a year ago. Just after my husband died." She sighed, "What have the doctors said?" She asked, she had been visiting her daughter when she received the call.

"They're doing all they can" Kim told her, she took hold of Mary's hand, "He's very ill."

Adam finally made his way back inside, "Kim.." He kissed her cheek, "anything?"

"Not yet." Kim caressed his cheek, "There's someone here. Someone you should meet."

He looked around, "Who?"

Kim pointed to her, "Mary. She's your dad's girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Adam was puzzled, "He never mentioned her."

"I know. She said they planned on telling you soon, her children too. She's sweet. She loves your dad, Adam."

Mary smiled nervously as Adam approached her, "Hi. It's nice to finally meet you, though I feel like I already know you. Your dad raves about you. He loves you."

Adam pulled her into a hug, "I love him" he held her. She had a strong maternal vibe that comforted him and put him at ease.

She pulled away, "I hate that we're meeting like this. He's so proud of you and that sweet baby of yours. You and Griffin are the center of his universe."

Adam guided her into a chair, "We love him, Griffin adores him."

"I can't wait to meet that baby of yours, he's such a doll" Mary had two grandchildren of her own, two girls.

"He is isn' he?" Kim smiled, "I'm a bit biased though, you'll have to come over and meet Griffin. Soon, you and Bob both."

Adam was reluctant as he stood outside the door, it was just after dawn and he was exhausted but he needed to see it with his own eyes, he needed to touch him and see that it was real.

He needed to feel his dad's heart as it beat in his chest.

He pushed the door open and couldn't mask the gasp as it fell from his lips, Mary jumped up, kissing Bob's forehead before greeting Adam. "I'll be back soon, honey. Adam's here"

Adam hugged her, the woman he had known for just a few hours had cemented her place in his heart. It was odd and he couldn't quite understand it but he liked it, and he liked Mary.

"He's in and out of it, he's okay though." Mary kissed his cheek, "Sit with him, talk to him. I will be back in a little bit."

Adam sat for a few moments, it was hard to see his dad in such bad shape. His chest had been cracked open, the thick strip of gauze that ran the length of his chest was dotted with fresh blood, various lines were attached to him and a heart shaped pillow was on his chest, according to the nurses it was to ease his pain just a bit.

He removed it, and gently placed his hand on his dad's chest, feeling his heart beat.

"I love you dad. You need to get better. You need to rest and get better. Griffin needs his Poppy, and I still need you, dad. Okay? Don't you dare leave me" He began to cry.

Bob's eyes opened and he gingerly reached up to touch his son's face, "I'm not Son." Each word was soft and garbled but he pushed through the pain and grogginess to make sure Adam heard him, "I love you"

Adam kissed his head, "I love you too"

Adam sat with him for a few hours before finally heading home, he had struggled with some guilt. He had put off calling his dad, he kept putting off plans to hang out with him, choosing instead to hang out with Kevin and Jay or staying home with Kim and Griffin.

He vowed to do better, to not waste this second chance at life his father had been given, he wouldn't take his Pops for granted.

 _ **I'm going to be honest here, I'm not thrilled with the ending of this one. It's given my quite the headache over the last week or so, and I'm not happy with the finished product but at least it's done, right? Hopefully my new story 'Dysfunctional Family' won't cause me similar issues.**_

 _ **I had planned on killing Bob but that changed when I couldn't get it to come together, so Bob lives and I'm still not pleased with it but he's alive..so that's good, right?**_


End file.
